Dr. Martzenstein

I'll finish grading the Pistons starters in another post, because today the big story out of Detroit is that the Lions are close to hiring Mike Martz, the most delusional coach in the NFL who also happens to double as an innovative offensive mastermind. A couple of weeks ago I buried Rod Marinelli, the new head coach, and wondered, along with everybody else, who this guy would hire as his assistants because God knows he's gonna need them. Now as we are about to close out the first month of the New Year we may finally have the answer to our question and it turns out the Lions two new co-ordinators are more qualified to be head coaches then the actual head coach is, only with the Lions could this happen. Anyways here is my quick breakdown of the Lion's new coaches, and this is assuming Martz will be hired as all the preliminary reports indicate he will be. Once again these opinions are backed up by no legitimate facts whatsoever and are gleaned from little/no actual knowledge just observations.

1: Donnie Henderson, previously the defensive coordinator for the New York Jets. I really don't know much about Henderson other then the fact that he was responsible for some pretty solid if not spectacular defenses by the New York Jets over the past three years or so. It seems like he had been mentioned as a possible head coaching candidate during this time as well. However since most NFL owners are white 70 plus year old billionaires and Henderson is black he has a 1 in....ohhhh....10 billion chance of landing a job as a head coach. Actually I'm going to open the line on when William Clay Ford first accidentally mistakes Henderson for his chauffeur at two days ago. Anyways Henderson made his mark as a defensive backs coach with the Ravens team that won the Super Bowl and helped develop Chris McAllister and Ed Reed into top flight players. He also took a young defense in 2004 and turned it into one of the best, fastest, most opportunistic ones in the league. So between Marinelli's expertise on the D-line and Henderson's experience I'm looking forward to the fact that the Lions may actually blitz next season and not allow crappy qbs, see Kyle Orton and CHRIS WEINKE!!, sit back and pick the defense apart.

2: Mike Martz: Personally I was secretly hoping that the Lions would hire him as the head coach, just because they had invested so much into the offense through the draft over the past few years, blah, blah, blah. However the thing I'm most excited about is the possibility that Martz could finally coax some production out of the quaterback spot. Look at what he did In St. Louis with Warner, although Satan may have played a large part in that, and most recently Bulger. Now I know your going to say, but Andy you hate Harrington, now you think he could be the savior, you sellout/bastard/hypocrite. Well you'd be wrong I still hate Harrington and I think they should give him a one way ticket to play for the Grand Rapids Rampage. So is the answer Garcia? No. Do they draft Cutler? No. The answer to the quarterback problem is Dan Orlovsky. I think he has the potential to be turned into the next Bulger. He's big, immobile, goony, and possibly has the precision and timing to run the intricate offense Martz employs. The person who can't be happy about this is Kevin Jones as he now gets to look forward to 12 carries a game, which means he's going to have to find a way to get hurt even faster.