Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Matt Millen

Yesterday when I wrote that post I stated that I thought I was in the minority in thinking Millen was the man most culpable for the demise of the Lions. However as the day continued to wear on and more and more writers began to submit there articles to various websites. I was glad to see that the prevailing sentiment was that Millen had to go. Had to get the ax. I was delighted to see this because it proved once again that every national columnist steals my ideas, polishes them and regurgitates them as their own..............and yes I know I'm completely delusional and nobody ever steals anything from this site (except Jayson Stark!!!!) because if you check my counter, two people visited my blog yesterday and one of them may have been me. However my elation has since been replaced by complete, utter, abject hopelessness. I was wishing that the national attention Millen was getting for his complete incompetence would lead to rumblings of his dismissal or resignation. Wrong. It looks as if Millen is here to stay, for at least another year, another first round wide receiver drafted,
(I'm already looking forward to doing my Jeff Samardjiazijiazjiaijajz joke, which I had been using on T.J. Houshmanandzedhahdahzzdhah, look at that............seamless, and also why is it that all of these guys with impossible last names have the most simple first names, I mean T.J., Jeff, just go the whole nine yards and name them something like Dikembekintezdjmizadzzijhz.)
another questionable free agent signing period, another overmatched and underwhelming coaching hire, and probably another season of "Is this the year Harrington becomes a star?" questions. I also keep reading people deploring the fans to stay away from the Lions and boycott. See I'm completely against this. These are Detroit fans, the people responsible for the most notorious sporting event riot in U.S. history. I say Lions fans should kick it up a notch and show up in full force for this Sundays game and collectively storm the field and Millens suite, and give Millen and Harrington the old Benito Mussolini, Claretta Petacci treatment.
This photo is kind of graphic but you'll get the idea. I think that may be the only way the Ford's will get the message. This isnt going to work now because Ford Field has priced out all the roughneck rowdy fans from Taylor who wear faded Chris Spielman jersey's and look like Rob Deer, or this guy

Oh well. A man can dream.

Also Dre Bly created quite a stir today by pointing out the obvious. Newsflash Joey Harrington sucks..........wait everyone in Detroit, except for Millen and Drew Sharp knew this three years ago. Well I think its pretty telling that no one jumped to Joey Joe Joe's defense and everyone I know who heard Bly's comments agreed with every single word. Someone had to say it, its probably better that it happened this way and got off everyones chest because I think Earl Holmes and Big Baby were about 2 quarters away from strangling Harrington on the sidelines.

Finally, and then I'm going to bed Chris Kaman is terrifying. He looks like a giant Tom Petty with even thinner, stringier, hair. Think about that. Well don't think, look. Thats right I finally added pictures to this page. Maybe now I can get more hits then the Seymour's family vacation to Yosemite National Park. Pathetic.......

Monday, November 28, 2005

Steve Mariucci fired

I can't believe I just typed that heading only 2 and a half years after Mooch was hired. I remember the sheer terror I felt when Millen announced that Morninwheg would be back for a third season, after two years of complete incompetence and a 5-27 record. Then Mooch was let go by the Niners and you could see the wheels being set in motion and Millen sent his boy Marty on a one lonely motorcylce ride into oblivion and the Lions hired their savior. Mooch was a man with a proven track record, 60-43 with the Niners, was a Michigan guy, was young and personable, was perfect. This was different than the Bobby Ross hire, Ross felt like a retread, like he was past his prime, but Mooch even though he had been around for about six years, he seemed like he was still an up and comer, like he was poised to finally achieve his potential as a coach. I even skipped class after Mooch was hired because I spent about 3 hours calling all of my friends and talking about how this was finally it. Maybe Millen doesnt suck after all, maybe the Lions can finally turn the corner and win their second playoff game in the past fifty years. However this was just another Lions tease and the Mooch era has ended like every other Lions era in recent years, unfulfilled potential, disappointment, and ultimately complete failure.

I think I may be in the minority, but I don't blame Mooch, and Im only calling him Mooch because its to hard to constantly spell Mariucci, not because I have some kind of personal relationship/bond with him, The person absolutely, unequivocally, beyond a reasonable doubt responsible for this mess is Matt Millen. Yet somehow he manages to evade culpability, and even more egregious is he was signed to a five year extension, a reward for his sparkling 20-55 record as team president. Unbelievable, it's the only word I can think to describe what I just wrote Unbelievable. The main problem with Millen is that it seems like he has no plan. Does anybody, including himself have any idea what he is thinking or doing. Doesn't it change every five minutes. I remember he came in and thought that Detroit didn't have any team speed. So he went out and signed burners Bill "alligator arms" Schroeder and Az-EggShell, while stabbing sure handed and fan fave Johnnie Morton in the back. Schroeder and Hakim turned out to be as fast as advertised but couldnt catch a damn thing, Schroeder because he had constant problems with his vagina and he couldnt extend his arms all the way because his training bra restricted his mobility. Hakim showed flashes of speed but unfortunately it was when he was riding the Lions Helmet cart off the field. He signed fat ass and worthless Damien Woody, drafted busts Joey Harrington, Jeff Backus, Charles Rogers, and an immature Mike Williams a slew of other garbage picks and signings. He has made some good free agent signings and drafted Shaun Rogers, Roy Williams, and Kevin Jones, who I think will be good if he gets more then 4 carries a game, but the negatives immensely outweigh the positives. Time to go Matt. Also I just saw that jackass Drew Sharp on ESPNews, proving once again that knowing anything about sports is not a prerequisite to get a job as a sportswriter. Apparently the Lions still need to evaluate Joey Harrington. I mean it's only been four plus years of sucking by a guy with no professional track record, but apparently two plus seasons is enough to get rid of a formerly successful coach. I guess the only way Harrington will go away is if you kill him and cut his head off. He's like the Jason Vorhees of crappy quarterbacks, he just won't go away.

So now what, once again Millen has made the rash decision and has no plan, as of an hour ago they didnt even know who the interim coach is. So who's it gonna be Millen, who's the next fall guy, the guy who will take the blame and get axed because of you ineptitude. You demand so much accountability from coaches and players and run and hide when you get the tough questions. I can't wait until Mooch goes to another franchise and thrives, and all those jackass Detroit sportwriters who were calling one of the most successful offensive systems in NFL history ancient, even though it took the Eagles to the Super Bowl last year, will look like fools, and the Lions will be stuck with Millen, and another 12 loss season and still waiting to make a decision on Harrington, and all this other "potential" that never translates into wins, or success. The Lions are just a black hole, dredge of a franchise, a complete joke. The Lions are the Clippers of the NFL.