After spending an inordinate amount of time making minor changes to my Myspace profile, (by the way feel free to add me as a friend, especially if your under the age of 16 and need a ride/alcohol and don't mind the fact that I drive a mid-80's Chevy Suburban with a futon mattress in the back.........hold on Stone Phillips and Dateline just came crashing through my front window), I decided that I was calmed down and rational enough to describe THE THRASHING THE DETROIT TIGERS HANDED THOSE NO TALENT ASS CLOWN SOUTH-SIDERS, WHAT'S THAT CHICAGO? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THIS INSURMOUNTABLE 5.5 GAME LEAD.
O.k., maybe I havent calmed down but if I don't write this post right now at 3:00 A.M. I'll have forgotten 90 % of what my friend Bill said and won't be able to use his words as my own. Oh no I've said to much, on to the post.
Regardless of how much Jim Leyland, (who is so amazing I'm beginning to believe that he is a direct descendant of Jesus Christ) tried to downplay this series, anybody who has followed the Tigers through the dark years knew this was the biggest three game set for this team in at least fifteen years. So with all the excitement surrounding this team and in front of a sold out crowd that was ready to explode in orgasmic fits of jubilation should the home team win the triumphant Tigers took the field..........and completely crapped the bed. The Tigers put together a bunch of weak swings off the entirely hittable Jon Garland, Nate Robertson looked completely overmatched against the heart of the Sox order (Thome, Konerko, and Dye), and the devil incarnate himself Joe Crede hit his 461st career homerun against the Tigers. By the 7th inning I was scouring Yahoo! sports looking for left handed bats the Tigers could trade for and trying to make theoretical deals for Raul Ibanez. Driving around later that night I listened to three consecutive callers on Fox Sports Radio talk about how the Tigers were going to fade including one guy from Boston with the most obnoxious accent I've ever heard say he hoped Detroit made the wild card so that the BoSox would be guaranteed a spot in the ALCS.
Wednesday night started out promising for Detroit with the Tigers sending their ace Jeremy Bonderman out to the mound, where he struck out the first three guys he faced. However the Tigers offense still couldn't get anything going against another righty this time Javier Vasquez. Bonderman let up two solo shots to Crede (#462) and Juan Uribe, the Tigers had two hits and I'm becoming delusional trying to talk myself into believing that Dmitri Young is the left handed bat we need while writing a letter in my own blood to Mr. Dombrowski, that cryptically only says "TRADE FOR BOBBY!" That's when the rally started with a series of four straight singles to score a run and load the bases. After Thames grounded into a fielders choice, The Mighty Craig Monroe came up. After getting a steady diet of breaking balls Vasquez threw one more and this one hangs a little to much. Crack, GRAND SLAM! As soon as it left the bat I knew it was gone and jumped off the couch ran out of the living room (my house also has a dying room but there is no cable in there only trapped souls), awaking my dad from a stupor and by running outside to howl at the moon. Just like that the momentum in the series shifted and the Tigers held on to win 5-2.
With the game televised on ESPN Thursday I came down "sick" and had to stay home to watch it. As punishment I had to listen to the inane ramblings of Steve Phillips a man who makes Rod Allen sound like an Ivy League professor. This was a big game for not only the Tigers but for Kenny Rogers who hasn't been sharp in his last half dozen starts or so. Rogers came out and pitched great, save for a fourth inning jam where he loaded up the bases, considering he was going up against the best offense in baseball. The game was tied at one heading into the seventh when Marcus Thames made what was arguably the biggest play of the series, even more so than Monroes grand slam. With Thames on first Monroe hit a ground ball to Crede that looked like a potential double play. Crede threw to Iguchi at second when Thames comes barreling in knocking Iguchi ass-over-teakettle ( I dont know what that means ) therefore preventing the double play. The next batter, Chris Shelton, comes up and smoked one to deep left center which fell perfectly between Podsednik and Anderson allowing Monroe to come around from first to score what would be the deciding run. Joel Zumaya continued to pitch amazing after correcting his problem of pitching somewhere between the mound and first base, and made Steve Phillips pull an about face regarding his insane Smoltz-Zumaya deal he had been touting on Basebal Tonight. Really? Should we listen to a guy who traded for a 600 pound Mo Vaughn? Zumaya ended his appearance with a strikeout of Bezelbulb Crede, which he punctuated with yelling and a fist pump much to the delight of lifelong Tiger fans Tom Hanks and Ron Howard (Wait, WTF were these assholes doing there? Their lucky I love The Money Pit so much or I'd really be hysterical.) Jones worked a 1-2-3 ninth and the Tigers won the game and the series 2-1.
I realize it's still July, and the Tigers were probably a little brash and arrogant for winning a series with 65 games left, with the Zumaya histrionics and the Monroe/Pierzynski bump, but they are young, having fun, playing in front of a town thats crazy about them and coming out in droves to support them and most of these guys know the pain and embarrassment of being one of the worst teams in baseball HISTORY, especially Monroe, Robertson and Inge and personally as a fan who comes from a generation that doesnt really remember the last time they were winning much less relevant to the playoff picture I'm loving every second of it.