Sunday, September 17, 2006

Sunday Sucks

Last Sunday I wrote about how depressing it was to be a sports fan in Detroit, with the Twins closing to within a game of the Tigers and the Lions losing in heartwrenching fashion to the heavily favored Seattle Seahawks. I think I spoke to soon because this Sunday was worse. The Tigers lost a winnable game against the lowly Orioles thanks to a combination of bad fielding in the extra innings by Brandon Inge and Maggs and bad pitching beginning with my personal favorite Wil Ledezma, (every time I compare him to Pedro or Santana he starts to suck, I think I'm angering somebody very powerful with my ridiculous comments, I must have missed the portion of the Bible were they reveal Jesus is a Twins fan), and ending with my arch-nemesis Jason Grilli. Meanwhile 4 hours away in Chicago the Lions were getting their asses handed to them by the Chicago Bears losing 34-7 on the strength of Rex Grossman's four touchdown game, yes Rex Grossman. Then after both the Tigers and Lions lost word comes out of Comerica that Polanco says he's done for the remainder of this season and possibly the beginning of next year, on the eve of what was supposed to be his return to the lineup. Yuck.

Let's start with the Lions.

Earlier this week Roy Williams guaranteed a victory against the Bears and said the Lions could've scored 40 points against the Seahawks if everything broke right, namely if the Seahawks defense got lost on the way to Ford Field. Normally guarantees create a small amount of controversy/hype/trash talking and ESPN will jump on it and run it into the ground, but not this time. Why? Because nobody, NOBODY takes the Lions serious. The ESPN guys felt obligated to talk about the guarantee but you could see they really didn't care. When the Bears were told about it they either declined to comment, mocked the guarantee, laughed incredulously or a combination of the two. To Williams credit he played well and did what he could to back up his guarantee but the rest of the team sucked and Williams looked absolutely ridiculous doing the first down gesture after making a meaningless catch in the second half already down by 27 points.

For the second straight week Mike Williams didn't dress for the game. Apparently the number 10 pick in last years draft isn't better than Az-Hakim who signed earlier this week after Mike Martz found him picking through his trash can. I know this is redundant but how does Matt Millen have a job. The one thing he could hang his hat on was his draft record, but with 3 of his 5 top 10 picks blowing up in his face he might now be the worst talent evaluator in the history of sports. Does anybody else have that atrocious of a draft record in any sport, ever? Just play Mike Williams, the team sucks anyways, just throw him out there and see what you have.

Jeff Backus sucks. He may be the worst left tackle in the NFL. He's been a nightmare for over five years on the left size. Moves with the quickness, grace and fluidity of of a stone statue. Is only reliable for the combination of at least 3 drive killing holding/false start penalties, and if you can believe this Backus may be a worse run blocker than pass protector. So how do we award this abortion of a left tackle. How about a 6 year 40 million dollar contract extension. Do you think the ink dried on that contract before Backus signed it. I want his agent to negotiate my first job offer out of law school, he could probably get an average Wayne State grad like myself $500,000 a year are a firm sight unseen.

Speaking of penalties it was good to see the Lions in mid-season form wracking up 14 flags for the game with 7 in the first quarter alone. The season really doesn't begin until a 1st and 10 beginning in the opponents territory ends in a 4th and 35 punt that Nick Harris sails through the end zone, and I know I just.....well you know what forget it I'm not writing about the Lions again until they win a game, which they might do next week because the only team thats proven to suck more then them so far this season is the Packers.

Meanwhile the Tigers dropped a game against the Orioles in which they came back to tie the game twice including an improbable bases clearing double from Neifi Perez and a dramatic two run homerun from Sean Casey in the 8th inning. Now I'm not going to be reactionary and talk about how the Tigers are going to miss the playoffs because all in all this weekend was a good series with the team winning 2 out of 3 and the offense showing some semblance of life, scoring 27 runs in the three games. However the most disappointing news came afterwards when Polanco said he was going to miss the rest of the season because of his separated shoulder. I never realized how important he was to the lineup until he's been hurt, but there is no denying that the team needs his contact hitting as a way to slightly balance out the rest of the free swinging lineup. Omar Infante is a good hitter, but only an average defensive player and definitely fits the free swinging mold which means the teams good for an extra 2 k's a game and another bat that struggles to move runners and play small ball, and Neifi......Jesus Christ batting him is the equivalent of hitting a soul suck black vortex of an out machine at the bottom of the order. Thank god the A's swept the White Sox this weekend to keep the Pale Hose a safe five games out of first place heading into a three game series at U.S. Cellular. All the Tigers need to do is win one of those games and take care of business against the Blue Jays and Royals over the final ten games to hang on for a playoff spot. Oh well the only thing that really mattered in sports this weekend was this, 47-21. Manningham's sweet.

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