Thursday, July 03, 2008

Rothbury Music Festival

This weekend over 50,000 hippies will invade the small town of Rothbury MI, for the beginning of a week-long music festival headlined by big name acts like Dave Matthews Band and John Mayer as well as several other musicians whom feature the "crunchy groove" sound that so greatly appeals to the unwashed masses. Free loving spirits from across the country have hit up their lawyer dads for gas money, charged $250 a ticket to their mom's credit card and loaded up their Jetta's to make the trek to the sleepy western Michigan town for a once in a lifetime chance to spend a weekend camping, dancing in place with their arms swaying wildly, trying to score with girls wearing long skirts, (all of whom feel the need to argue, with no one really, that Jose Ortega y Gasset is the most underrated American philosopher when you really just want to scream "To bad he's from Spain you dumb, pretentious harpy" but you want to see her boobs so bad that you just nod your head in agreement. Yes, I may be talking from personal experience here) and praying their AT&T wi-fi connect cards get service out in the woods because they need to update their blog so all their co-op farmer friends in Boise can read about how "organic" the festival is even though its located on the same land as a resort golf course and a family friendly indoor water park. Local officials estimate the scent of patchouli and pretense will more than likely suffocate the local population and may be smelled at distances as far away as Lansing, Ludington and Grand Rapids. Lucky for those of you, like myself, who are to busy selling your soul to faceless corporations or going to law school to get a degree in fascist pig-ism and don't feel like spending your Fourth of July weekend spending a couple of hundred bucks to lay in a hammock and eat rice the Detroit News has sent their music writer Adam Graham to cover the festivities for you.

O.k. maybe I'm being pretty harsh on these festival goers....maybe. To each their own, right? Sure, it might be fun to get a group of friends together, travel around the country and hit up various festivals, especially if you are really into music, which I'm not (I'm pretty sure buying Grave Dancer's Union by Soul Asylum in fifth grade pretty much disqualified me from ever reaching music aficionado status, but I digress). For example my idea of a dream road trip would be to head out with some friends and hit up as many major league baseball stadiums as we could, which if you don't like sports probably sounds like a colossal waste of money and time. So before I judge these festival goers to harshly and paint all of those in attendence to broadly with the same brush let me read what the first report from Rothbury has to say. Oh no.

"The first-year factor was also part of the allure for Nathan Straight, who came to Rothbury with four friends from Winchester, Va. "
We're breaking it in for everyone," says Straight, 19, while his friend Chelsea Witte cooked a pot of rice over a portable grill. "We're pioneers, really. Like Thomas Jefferson or something.'"

Fuck. You.

Seriously. Hold on, I have to go walk around the room to calm down about this




O.k. I'm back but I'm still angry. Maybe I shouldn't be though. Maybe this kid is just joking or he's mentally handicapped or he's just been misquoted or something. However there is probably something like a fifty percent chance he is being dead serious and I, relatively anonymous blogger and defender of Thomas Jefferson's honor, just can't let him get away with that. Why? Because I dealt with too many assholes in my history classes at MSU, namely guys who wore ponchos with sandals, drank coffee from the same moldy ass Beaner's mug everyday, treated completing the State News crossword puzzle as if they had just done the Sunday New York Times Puzzle, described everything as "pragmatic" and took contrarian bullshit stances against the professor just for the sake of being non-conformist to not call this kid on it. Since this is post is getting much longer than I anticipated I'm going to give an abbreviated list of everything Thomas Jefferson accomplished in his 83 years.

-Delegate to Continental Congress
-Drafted Declaration of Independence, which could have led to him being executed for treason.
-State Legislator
-Governor of Virginia
-Founder of the University of Virginia
-Minister to France
-Secretary of State
-Vice President
-2-Term President
-Father to dozens of slave children...o.k. maybe this last item isn't so great but impressive nonetheless.

Noticeably absent from this list. Attending music festivals. I don't know though because Jefferson did take a year off from politics in 1794, which he very well could've spent backpacking across Europe with Ben Franklin and John Jay hitting up music festivals, experimenting with his sexuality and just fucking finding

I don't think our friend Nicholas used the word pioneer correctly either. Jefferson was a political pioneer and I don't think the Rothbury Festival is breaking any kind of new political ground. I don't think Widespread Panic are going to introduce a new form of government in between 20 minute long jam sessions and Jefferson was way to cosmopolitan to be one of those soil of the earth American pioneers like Daniel Boone or know what this is stupid. If I wrote a blog post about every stupid uninformed hippie opinion that gets published in a paper I would be here all fucking day. So if you'll excuse me I'm going to get back to selling out.

Seriously though, this bar exam review shit is killing me. I'll post whenever I have time again.


Anonymous said...

Fucking-A right man, does anyone have a large, mobile, surface drill and a scientist to operate it? By the way selling out is the coolest.

Anonymous said...

I worked the rothbury festival for MLB roadshow. With in the first 5 minutes of being there we were offered pot. People were high as kites. The music wasn't my personal favorite but the gig payed well. If I was a dirty hippie I'd go again but I'm not so I'll stick to my baseball games.

BRIAN said...

i went to rothbury and will def. be goin back this year.. for the record, i am no where close to being a dirty hippie. sure rothbury had its share of them but thats not all it is. maybe insted of bashing this festival you could actually go to one and see what its really about. seems like the only fun you have been having is sittin in front of your computer hatin on shit that you wouldnt fit in at. all i gotta say is fuck off asshole, you dont know shit obviously

Anonymous said...

wow - you have just personified judgement. go study up on your history, philosophy, and politics -something that could potentially be useful- instead of roid raging on the internet, beefcake.

beefshower said...

@ poppy

ha, you want to talk about judgment, maybe you should have read the whole post before commenting. The whole point of this article was defending Thomas Jefferson. I don't really have an issue with the festival just the comment by the uninformed kid comparing himself to a Founding Father. I even mention Jefferson being the father of democracy and make a joke about hippies creating a new form of government. There is even a reference to Jose Ortega y Gasset, a renowned liberal thinker. Look, I know the Dave Matthews Band sticker in the back window of your Jetta makes you feel enlightened and intelligent, but as a piece of advice, turn down the jam bands, put out the joint and read a book. You'll actually learn something (maybe how to correctly spell judgment) and you'll be better off for it. May I suggest Revolt of the Masses by the aforementioned Gasset. Then maybe you'll see through all the hippie bullshit and you can come back and leave a thoughtful/nonjudgmental comment.


chitown said...

yeah so this post doesnt prove anything. just that some hippie said something dumb. ok. sorry dude, your right. all your facts prove them wrong.. while you were in school learning facts and information they were getting what they want out of life. and most of them are happier than you will ever make yourself. so dont hate on them when they dont hate on you. il tell you what from this post ide rather hang for a day w.a hippie at rothbury and expand my mind a bit than hang and your hateful shit. why dont you fight somebody w.the same mental standpoint. sure its easy hating on the hippies, especially from the outside looking in. you dont know, youl never understand. im not a hippie but i do understand what they want out of life and its not wrong. and if it werent for the hippies we wouldnt have the world we have today. its because of assholes like you that make this world a more hateful place. so shut the hell up, when has a hippie ever done harm to you? except mentally, because it seems like you lose sleep over the fact that hippies exist.

Host PPH said...

wow it looks so much fun, I wish I could go to one of those Rothbury music festival, I would definitely love it and enjoy it!