Thursday, July 21, 2005

Tigers Mid-Season Report Card cont.

First Im going to quickly finish up the midseason grades.

Kevin Hooper: Grade I. I ve only seen this guy in the lineup a couple of times, and was surprised to see that Eddie Gaedel was still so nimble at the age of 80, and yes I had to look up his age, had I been able to give the birthdate of the only midget baseball player off of the top of my head I would have hanged myself.

Omar Infante: Grade C-. I was expecting big things from Omar this year, but he was disappointing to say the least. At least hes got style though. Ive always been envious of Latin baseball players because they are always able to pull off the baggy white pants, white cleats look, which I kind of like. If I were to play I dont think I would have a choice but to rock the stirrups, or flood as bad as Jason Johnson does, because Im white and goony and I think it stipulates somewhere in the rulebook that those are the only two looks allowed to people who fit such a description.

Brandon Inge: Grade B+. This grade should probably be an A just for the fact that he is NOT Eric Munson, or Chris Truby, or Jose Macias. Inge has been solid though and Im glad to see him doing well, seeing as where he came from just two years ago when he was just absolutely atrocious at the plate.

Flaccido Polanco: Grade A. Polanco has been great, Ive raved about him a couple of times already and really dont have much to add because he hasnt played in the last 7 games. However a friend of mine came up with an even better description of his head. Milk Dud shaped. Perfect.

Meat Hook: Grade D+. Ive been disappointed by the Hook this year seeing as how he is one of my favorite players on the team, but I think he might be getting tired pitching under the assumed name Fernando Rodney (they have to be the same person). I mean this was a guy who was on pace for 486 homeruns at one point this season and now hes got only 16. What happened.

Nook Logan. Grade B. Maybe this should be higher seeing as how he is a rookie, but a B seems about right. Hes definitely cooled down a little bit with the bat but hes so fast its still exciting to watch him, way more fun then Milt Cuyler ever was, or Brian L. Hunter and his .096 OBP.

Craig Monroe. Grade B+. Monroe is great but I cant like him because my friend Tizzy LOVES him. Me and Tizzy went to a Tigers game two years ago and he called a Monroe homerun and the two have been in love ever since. Even more amazing than calling the homerun was Tizzy calling a Chris Shelton swinging bunt, during a game about a week ago. I also like Monroe after he got caught trying to steal a belt that cost like 30 dollars. My friends and I came up with the theory that it was Monroes way of keeping it real, you know not letting the gangstas in Texakarna think he had forgot where he was from.

Magglio. Grade A-. This will probably be an A + by seasons end if he keeps hitting like he has the past week or so. I still cant believe this guy is a Tiger, its so weird to see someone that good in a Tiger uniform, no offense to Pudge but he just doesnt have the same kind of plate presence that Magglio has. Hopefully that electroshock/banned in the US/performed by a backstore Austrian knee "surgeon"operation this offseason holds up for the next five years, and to think that scared other teams off. Pffft.

Rondell White. Grade A. Or Rock as Rod Allen and only Rod Allen calls him. Rondell is great, just because hes so solid and so cheap making only three million this year. Hopefully they work something out with him because I wouldnt mind seeing him stick around a couple of more years. Hes also a guy who seems like he should have had a much better career than his actual numbers indicate.

And that concludes the midseason report on the Tigers, an accomplishment for me because I think its the first post Ive actually set out to do started and completed even if it did take me two days.

Now some quick thoughts.

The other big news in Detroit is the Larry Brown saga. Personally I think its kind of anti climactic, although there was a moment a week ago that I actually thought Brown would be coming back. Oh well both Brown and the Pistons got what they wanted out of the arrangement, which was almost back to back NBA titles, and now begins the Flip Saunders era. I like Flip because, well, his name is Flip, and the only other Flips Ive heard of are pretty good. Flip Wilson and Flipper Anderson (yes that counts) who I racked up 383 receiving yards with in a game of Tecmo Super Bowl. I also like how Flip always looks drunk, I mean thirty seconds into every game his tie is loosened, jacket open and hair messed up. I like the disheveled look in coaches. However I think if I were the Pistons I would have given Izzo a call just to see if he would be interested, because why not?

HomeRun Derby took place at Comerica, and Pudge represented the Tigers well. The highlight of the night was Bobby Abreu, not for his 24 homerun first round record, but for my dad mistaking him for a different person twice in the same round. First asking if it were "Axelrod" and then Sammy Sosa. Also do you think Andruw Jones felt a great swell of pride representing wooden shoes and windmills for the Netherlands?

Article in Entertainment Weekly where Tawny Kitaen took time out from scratching Chuck Finleys eyes out and fighting him in the car to rate the Paris Hilton/Jessica Simpson commercial and video respectively. You mean she was available for this, how could one White Snake video lead to 20 years of pseudo fame. Amazing.

Finally I want to start wearing a poncho. I think they look cool, but Im not bold enough to ever act upon this feeling. Ill think about it, get frustrated thinking of all the things I want to tell the poncho, how I feel about it and such. Sit silently, and then start crying. And why were ponchos popular in the deep south and Mexico, who thought it was a good idea to wear a heavy blanket over clothes in 100 degree weather?

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