Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Big day today for Detroit area sports, the Pistons won to force a game seven, and the Tigers beat the Twins at the Metrodome to go over .500. I always loved how it is such a big deal for Tigers fans for the Tigers to be one game over .500 this late in the season, yet in places like New York, Boston or St. Louis, if the team were playing this bad Joe Torre would be getting fired, Terry Franconas head would be on a stick, and Tony La Russas body would be floating down the Mississippi. Irregardless, Im still excited about this Tigers team. Bonderman pitched great again tonight, which means hes getting closer and closer to the twenty wins my friend predicted and which the rest of us, as in the ones not heavily involved in drugs dismissed. Of course with each win that Bonderman gets, my friend who predicted the twenty wins becomes increasingly insufferable with the amount of gloating he does.

Before I continue I would like to correct, or update, some of the things I have previously wrote.
First off I once mentioned I have a friend with the mentality of a twelve year old. The more I think about that the more I realize Im selling him short. Sure he likes the same things as twelve year old boys would, cartoons, Gameboy, marijuana, etc..... but hes actually quite remarkable in the fact that he can multitask like no one Ive ever seen before. My friend, well hes Tizzy the one from the Macker tournament, can play Xbox, watch DVDs on his computer, maintain multiple instant message conversations, listen to the Tigers game on the radio, and still manage to maintain an itelligable conversation on his phone, while absorbing everything that goes on about him. Its like he never learned the process of selective attention, which instead of being a hindrance gave him the supernatural ability to perform everything at once. However when God divvys out talents he usually seems to give out the bad with the good, and Tizzy is no exception. Other than being able to absorb all of the information in his surrounding environment, Tizzy was also given a lateral line. I didnt come up with this, and I wish I could remember which friend did so I could give them their proper due, but whenever Tizzy is being attacked or wrestled with he has a defense mechanism which produces its own thin slime layer. Its not just sweat either its the same kind of sensation one gets from picking up a fish, its like he becomes super slippery and if you have him in a bear hug he runs the risk of popping out of your grasp, the same way a bar of soap would. Even though it sounds like this could be beneficial, it just makes him disgusting to everyone, but in his own unique way.

Secondly, I was trying to figure out what was irritating, or strange about the shape of Placido Polanco's head, when my one friend Josh revealed the answer to me. It looks as if Placido is storing sunflower seeds all over his face, in his jaw, temples, forehead, etc. No one could have been able to describe Placido's look better. On a positive note it no longer makes me angry to look at Placido, in fact I rather enjoy it, because now he just looks like a hamster storing food away in his cheeks, for a later day.

Finally in my post going over the Devil Rays roster I said Lance Carter might be the worst all-star representative ever. I was wrong. The absolute worst All-Star ever, and I can not believe I forgot about him is Roger Pavlik in 1996. Granted his won loss record was respectable seeing as how he went 15-8, but his ERA was over 5.00, and he gave up over a hit an inning, and walked 80 batters to go along with 120 strikeouts. But the thing that really sets him apart from the rest in my mind, is the fact that the 1996 Texas Rangers were not a bad team, I mean they won the AL West and went to the playoffs, so its not like he was the lone representative on a horrible team, like Carter or Robert Fick were. In fact the AL MVP for that year, the always loathsome, especially for Tigers fans, Juan Gonzalez didnt go to the All-Star game that year. Dean Palmer, didnt go either, even though he hit 38 homeruns, and had over 100 RBIS. And if they had to take a pitcher Ken Hill, actually had a great year that year considering how much lower his ERA was compared to the league average. Not to mention that Pavlik was selected over the immortal Mickey Tettleton and Mike Henneman. But enough harping on Pavlik, Im sure he is a nice enough guy, well actually I bet he isnt, I bet he rubs his All Star prestige in everybodys face. When he's at the Denny's in Arlington he probably goes into a whole, "Do you know who the f--- I am, Im Roger f---ing Pavlik, I was an All-Star, I could buy this place, and you won' let me sleep in your f---ing dumpster!" Or even worse he probably shows up at crappy small town Little League games under the title Former Rangers great, as all the little kids get excited that they might be meeting Nolan Ryan, Pudge, or Al Oliver only to find Pavlik sitting under a tent wearing sunglasses and reeking of vodka. By the way I only write this last part because it happened to me once. I was enticed to stay after practice to meet a Tigers legend from the 68 World Series team, I was a big baseball fan even then and was running the names through my head, Al Kaline, Willie Horton, Mickey Lolich, who could it be? It was Mickey Stanley, who stayed for about fifteen minutes was probably drunk, absolutely surly, and signed maybe two items. Needless to say I quit Little League a week later, my dream of becoming a professional ballplayer shattered by witnessing in person, at such an impressionable age, the frailty of being a professional athlete. He was the complete opposite of everything I had ever imagined would become of a professional big leaguer, a crusty old curmudgeon. Enough of this though, I fear Im getting to deep, somehow I started writing about Roger Pavlik, and veered towards a Little League experience from fifteen years ago as being responsible for my jaded outlook on life.

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