Saturday, September 03, 2005

Pascual Perez

Today I blew off my first law school class. This is not good. Its not good for me to have already blatantly skipped a class during my first week of school. And its not like this was some mistake, where my alarm didnt go off and I overslept. Oh no, this was an intentional well thought out decision, because anytime I skip class I usually always go through the same routine. I wake up early for class and while im laying there, tired, in bed, the thought first enters my mind, and i usually readily dismiss it. But once I'm in the shower the thought comes back and this time it stay a little longer. Next thing I know Ive been in the shower for forty five minutes, my fingers have turned to prunes, Im already 15 minutes late for class and I just go F--- It! Im going back to bed, where I stay until nearly 4 P.M. So there, if anybody needed any more evidence that I am the most shiftless person alive, with a complete lack of self-discipline and willpower I enter exhibit Z. Well at least Im using law based metaphors so I must be learning something............I think.

Anyways Im thinking of having my name legally changed to Dee Brown so that I can be guaranteed a chance of playing sports on a professional level. There can't be a higher ratio of names to professional athletes as there is with Dee Brown. There was intially Dee Brown of the Boston Celtics, who won the Slam Dunk contest with THE cheesiest gimmick dunk of all time. Dunking with an arm over his eyes..........how hard is that, honestly, that was the beginning of the end for the Slam Dunk contest. Second there was Dee Brown of the Kansas City Royals who did........well Im not real sure what he did over his career.........but at least he got to play parts of seven season on a major league baseball team, and yes, contrary to their record over the past decade or so the Royals still count as a major league baseball team, and this is coming from a lifelong Tigers fan who can barely remember the last time they finished over .500. Third their is Dee Brown, whose a running back for the Kansas City Chiefs and started a few games with the Carolina Panthers a few years back. And finally there is the Dee Brown who is the point guard at Illinois and was an important member of Illinois run to the title game last year. I'm assuming he will make it to the NBA for some team, especially if Nate Robinson plays well for the Knicks this year, making small guards en vogue, where they will all combine and release next summers big hit Never Gonna Get It. So there you have it four Dee Browns spanning over three pro sports over the course of the past fifteen years as well as one Dream Job winner, where he will hopefully have a bigger role than previous winners Mike Hall whose picture I saw on the side of my last milk carton.

Tommorow is also the beginning of Michigan's football season and I will be making my first trip to the Big House this year. I know what your saying, and the silence is deafening. Yes I did go to Michigan State but that doesnt mean I have to like them, in fact I hate Michigan State since Ive gone there, after all the money I spent on parking tickets, not all of which were justified, and I won't go into detail but Michigan State does not encourage studying in the library without paying a 35 dollar fine. Not to mention the price gouging that goes on in the apartments there but once again I digress. Anyways my dad has had season tickets to Michigan games since before I was alive, and Ive been going to games for years. I was there when Kordell Stew.......well Im not going to finish that thought because I might get sick. I saw David Klinger in person shred the defense and influence how I played football video games for the rest of my life, lets just say I throw on about 98% of all plays. I had a guy throw up on me while getting his hair pulled in a fist fight. Ive heard people calling for Lloyd Carrs head and then praising him minutes, no seconds later. So I have that to look forward to tomorrow and am thouroughly excited about this season because we dont have to lose to a Pac-10 team on the road this year.

The other big story is Jeff Garcias broken leg in tonights game. I think the Lions should just take the Buffalo Bills off the preseason schedule because thats where James Stewart got hurt leaving us with a season of Shawn Bryson and (ugh) Olandis Gary, which was so bad it almost reached Greg Hill/Ron Rivers territory. So now Dan Orlovsky is our backup, a guy who sucks so bad I cant even get him to progress in this years version of Madden, and this coming from someone who got John Navarre an 89 rating in last years game. So I think we have to sign another backup and if Garcia is only going to be out 6 weeks we should get Quincy Carter because thats how long it will take for him to fail his first drug test. Or there is always Jeff George who draws up plays in the huddle like hes in the backyard, but then again what the fuck do June Jones or Terry Robieske know anyways. After that uhhhh, Vinny Testerverde is making great money as a cadaver here at Wayne State Medical School and Chad Hutchinsons got a wicked curveball or there is always Kordell St..................nevermind.

On a final note its a sad day in Detroit sports as the Detroit Shock were eliminated from the playoffs, leaving thousands, no hundreds, no dozens , no a dozen fans, no a dozen players disappointed.

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