Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Week One Picks

One quick note before I get on with this posting. At the end of my last post I chided myself for mentioning Pascual Perez twice in the same column. Little did I know that only two days later Jayson Stark would do the same thing on his website including talking about Pascual's stadium mishap. Which leads me to say... QUIT STEALING MY STUFF JAYSON! But seriously I thought that was kind of strange as well as showing that Im capable of writing for ESPN's website. Im just waiting for the call.


Still Waiting.........

Checking to see if my ringer is turned on..........

it is..........


They'll call, you just watch...........

Anyways I was thinking of breaking down all 32 NFL teams but I realized that there was no possible way I would ever be able to get that done unless I had started a month ago like ESPN did. Had I cranked out one preview a day for a month I could have accomplished that, and believe me that series is coming when I preview the upcoming NBA season. However for the NFL I'm going to pick the winner of each game, well not just the winner but who I think you should bet on just in case my handful of readers are into that sort of horrible I am. All of these lines are taken from as of Wednesday night.

Raiders +7.5 PATRIOTS. I really like the Raiders this year and I think they will at least cover the spread if not win outright. I really like what Oakland did in the offseason to upgrade their offense. Getting Randy Moss for magic beans was a no-brainer (or instead of saying no-brainer I should say even Matt Millen would have made that deal, no nevermind, that statement may be offensive to people without brains.) I also like Kerry Collins, even though he was fantasy poison for me in 2001, when he fumbled about 347 times, not to mention being a one time quitter/alcoholic/racist, becaus he reminds me of a less badass Jeff George. I like Lamont Jordan and think he should be good fo 1300-1400 yards this season, and love Jerry Porter who should explode this season lining up across from Moss, not to metion Ronald Curry. So on paper I think thats a pretty scary offense. The defense on the other hand is scary for all the wrong reasons, but hey they got Charles Woodson who, according to him, paired with anybody makes the best set of corners in the league. Im willing to line up next to him to try his theory out, and am making plans to be in Honolulu in early February. Enough though, getting on to the game. I think the Pats are gonna come out a little flat, especially after a pretty tumultuous offseason, and a third Super Bowl. So if they are going to be vulnerable at any time this year its gonna be early. I think Moss will have a HUGE game on national TV with his new team against the defending champs. However this comes down to Bill Belichick vs. Norv Turner. Yikes. Thats like me coaching against my dog Sadie, only ten times worse.

Final score: Pats 34 Raiders 28.

Broncos -5 vs. DOLPHINS

This has got to be the lock of the week. Sure the Snake is gonna throw a couple of picks with his non throwing arm this season, flip off the crowd a few times, and throw about 25 picks with his normal throwing arm, but at least hes not Gus Frerotte or A.J. Feeley, who may or may not have been a kicker at Michigan. But come on. Gus Frerotte! What sane person would bet on him, he gave himself a concussion celebrating a touchdown, he was marginally better than Stoney Case 5 years ago. And who knows what the hells going on with the running backs. Go ahead and bet on the Dolphins or better yet send your money to

Mickey Tettleton Memorial Overpass
Cass Ave.
Detroit, MI

Broncos 24 Dolphins an unprecedented -10.

Bengals -3.5 v BROWNS

Another no-brainer. I like the Bengals offense. I expect Carson Palmer to improve markedly, which is why hes my QB2 on my fantasy team. I like T.J. Houshmandzedhdmandmadzzzzd, which is the ten thousandth time Ive used that joke, which I ripped off from several other people Im sure. Chad Johnson is gonna be huge, because hes completely insane as last weeks SI showed. Plus Rudi Johnson is solid, even though hes holding back Chris Perry. Plus there defense should be improved through the draft. The Browns.......well they have Braylon Edwards and......... and..........

Bengals 28 Browns 13

Houston + 5.5 vs. BILLS

I like the Bills. I like Lee Evans, another one of my fantasy picks. I think Moulds has been tremendously underrated throughout his career. McGahee looks phenomenal considering hes only 2 and a half years from having a cricket leg. The defense should be good. But there is one thing hanging over them, and his name is J.P. Losman. Yuck. I think he has Patrick Ramsey/ Joey Harrington potential and it could hold them back. Plus I like the Texans offense especially Andre Johnson, who is what Charles Rogers should be, and could be. So I think the Texans can steal this one.

Texans 20 Bills 17

Titans +7 vs. STEELERS

I think the Steelers are going to slide some this year and I was never really enamored with Roethlisberger, even though my friend T.J. is in love with him. Ive always been more of a Tommy Maddox guy myself. Irregardless Steelers should still win this one. Even with no Bus or Duce.

Steelers 20 Titans 10

Bears + 5.5 vs. REDSKINS

Do you really want to wager on Kyle Orton making his first NFL start? I didnt think so. Do you really want to bet on Patrick Ramsey under any circumstances? Didnt think so. Avoid this game. I hope Mushin Muhammed enjoys all that cash.......because I would.

Redskins 3 Bears 2.

Saints +7 vs. PANTHERS

Im really pulling for the Saints and the city of New Orleans. I never got a chance to visit it before the destruction imposed by the hurricane. But I like the Panthers because SI picked them to win the Super Bowl and they're never wrong. I mean who would have guessed Matt Hasselback wouldve been hoisting the trophy last Janua........Oh whoops thats right sorry Seattle, at least the Mariners won it all the year they won 116 gam.......Sorry. Well at least you got to enjoy those titles that Kemp and Payton won..........oh no this is getting embarrassing, but hey two words. Space Needle..................moving on.

Panthers 27 Saints 13

Bucs + 6 VIKINGS

Im not buying the Vikings Super Bowl talk, but they always start the season 6-0 so I see no difference this year, and that Tampa Bay defense has got to be getting old. I mean Hardy Nickerson's got to be 50 by now and Wayne Haddix who knows.......wait thats Derrick Brooks and Ronde Barber. whats wrong with me tonight.

Vikings 34 Bucs 17

As you can probably tell Im really starting to half ass this so Ill run through the rest of the picks.

Jags will cover the spread and beat the Seahawks 19-13

Jets will win outright againt the Chiefs who I dont think are going to be as good as people are saying although I would have loved to see Derrick Johnson in Honolulu blue.

A much improved Cardinals team will beat the Giants outright at the Meadowlands as Kurt Warner seeks revenge.

Rams will kill the six points they are currently getting by blowing out the Niners in Candlestick.

Im foolishly buying into the Cowboys hype and think they will beat a Chargers team that will be tough to repeat their performance from last year.

Colts will cover against the Ravens, and finally the Eagles will win big against Atlanta as T.O. and McNabb make up.

Im not going to pick Lions games because I might be a little biased and there is no way a team could go 0-16.

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