Friday, February 24, 2006

Loose Strings

Normally when I sit down to write a post I like to have one main theme to write about. But sometimes there just isnt anything happening that is significant enough to write about at length, or I'm just feeling lazy. So today I'm just running through some of today's local sports stories.

1: The Lions slap the franchise tag on Jeff Backus. I like how sports writers always say they slapped the franchise tag on someone. It's never, delicately applied, its always an authoritative slap. So now the Lions have to pay the slowest moving left tackle in the NFL at least 6.8 million for next season. Great. I bet if the Lions put a pile of money at left tackle and set it on fire, it would pass protect AND run block better then Backus. It's just that........nevermind it's just easier to say I hate the Lions, God I hate the Lions.

2. I just saw a commercial for the World Baseball Classic, and one of the players featured was Jorge Cantu. Really, Jorge Cantu, I bet half the people in Tampa Bay don't know who he is, and the only reason I'm aware of him is because I picked him up for my fantasy team last year and he's now one of the headliners for the WBC and the main star for the Mexican Squad (sounds like the name of an Edward James Olmos movie), who's starting for the Mexicans Teddy he available? Yes.

3. The Pistons allowed the trade deadline to pass without making another trade, which is fine, it's not like they need anything. However some nitpickers are wondering why they didnt try to swing a deal for a third point guard. The way I see it is if Chauncey gets hurt the Pistons are pretty much screwed, and by screwed I mean a team might take them to six games in the Finals instead of getting swept. Second Lindsey Hunter is pretty freaking solid especially for 12-15 minutes a game and he's fresh after sitting out half the season with an injury. Finally in an emergency Tayshaun could fill in and run the point for a bit, or just be a point forward, with Delfino and Hamilton in the backcourt. So I'm not too concerned, I trust Dumars and if he thought we needed a 3rd point he wouldnt have traded Arroyo.

4. Teddy Higuera just pulled out of the WBC.

5. Darko Milicic jerseys are on sale for 20 bucks at the Palace Locker Room store.

6. I was able to attend the Pistons-Pacers game tonight and it was amazing. I had bought the tickets back in October hoping for a chance to boo Ron Artest and Jermaine O'Neal in their first trip back after the brawl. However O'Neal's flow was too heavy to play tonight and Ron Artest....well I'm not going to make fun of Artest, even if it is on a small anonymous blog, because he scares the hell out of me. However the unequivocal highlight of the night was the half
time show. It was the most surreal, homo erotic experience I've had in my entire life, 100 times more gay then when me and my room mate Mike gave each other hot oil massag.......hmm...I mean ate steaks and wrestled bears. Moving on. These two guys, who had to have been Germans, come out in light green/avocado colored unitards that were so form fitting it looked like they weren't wearing any clothing at all. Anyways they went into a ten minute long segment of picking each other up and contorting their bodies around each other, in the most sensual, slowest moving way possible. It was like watching a mating dance of two, hairless, lime green, German snakes, all set to the synthesized background music of "Flying High Now" from the Rocky movies. The only people I can adaquetely compare them to are the Barnaby and Finneous characters on Family Guy. The more I think about it the more I realize I can't give this justice through words, I'm not that good of a writer and you just had to be there to see it. As a matter of fact it's probably best if you didnt see it.......I think Im going to go take a 2 hour long shower and burn my clothes. Goodnight.

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