Thursday, May 19, 2005

Team Analog

That last post could only be described as a diatribe, I don't know how it got where it did, and it went on quite a bit longer than I expected it would. Also I dont like to make it look like I relish making obscure references and feel the need to point them out. After reading that I felt like whoever wrote that must be a pretentious asshole who ought to be punched in the face, so if anyone who has ever read this sees me walking down the street they get one free punch on me but not in the stomach I don't feel like dying Houdini style.

I got to watch tonights Tiger game on FSN Detroit for two reasons,
1: because it was actually being aired, and
2: there was no Pistons game on to rival it.

However there is not a more boring team to watch than the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. I have never heard of any of the guys on their team, and the ones I have heard of are pretty depressing in the fact that you know they are at the end of the road guys like Charles Johnson,Hideo Nomo, and Casey Fossum, who was a key part of the trade that brought Curt Schilling to Boston................somehow. They also have the immortal Trever Miller, I believe I own about 500 1991 Topps Trever Miller draft pick baseball cards. A card that made me hope that one day Trever Miller would someday become a superstar, I mean if Topps picked him to be on a card so early in his career he must be good, because Topps had an eye for talent back then, making similar cards for Steve Searcy, and Hensley Meulens............nevermind. I'll run through the D-Rays roster really quick:

Danys Baez: Seemed like he was a big deal when he first arrived on the raft from Cuba, was with the Indians during the end of their AL Central Salad Days, always seemed to disappoint as a starter, and somehow ended up being traded to the D-Rays, also Ive never known how to properly say his first name is the S at the end silent?

Lance Carter: Brother of Aaron and Nick Carter, who gave up pursuit of celebrity in favor of a baseball career......well I made that up but Im sure its far more interesting than anything he has ever actually done in real life, although he may be the worst All-Star representative........ever.

Jesus Colome: I know nothing about this guy, but I like his name, possibly a stage name and my future porn movie name, although Im leaning towards Zesty Alvarado if and when I choose that path.

Lets just run through the rest of the pitchers, Ive already mentioned Fossum, I dont know who Travis Harper, John Switzer, or Doug Waechter are, or if they really exist, Mark Hendrickson used to play basketball with the Spurs I think, Scott Kazmir is supposed to be good, but Im still coming to grips with the fact that there are professional athletes younger than I am, and he is, so I dont like him. Seth McClung is a tall red headed guy, and thats about it. Now outside of Kazmir how many of these guys would even be on another teams roster, or if they made the roster be more than a 11th 12th man in the pen. None of them, and Dewon Brazelton sucks too so no help there.

The bats are just as bad, Toby Hall, it seems like hes been talked about as a big up and comer for years, but now hes nearly thirty years old, so I dont think hes going to be getting any better, not only that but I bought into his hype three years ago and drafted him for my fantasy team, thinking he would be the ultimate sleeper pick, but he killed my roto team for about three weeks before i dropped him, so I have a reason to dislike him. Apparently Eduardo Perez still plays, Julio Lugo is effective when hes not beating his wife in the parking lot after games, Alex Gonzalez is one of the 27 Alex Gonzalezes playing in the league, and they may or may not all be the same person. Actually I think it is a MLB rule that each team must be carrying at least one Alex Gonzalez on their roster at all times. And Jorge Cantu, I mean nothing can prepare you for the Jorge Cantu closeup on the TV screen. Anyways by now you get my point The D Rays suck, I mean Carl Crawford should be good, and Baldelli, as well as Delmon Young, and possibly BJ Upton if he ever learns to play defense, but thats years away and those guys arent sure things, and I dont think they have any pitching in their system.

Also is there anyone in Tampa who actual watches or cares about this team, are there such things as die hard D-Ray fans, why would there be?, and who? The team has only one more than 70 games once since their inception, at least Arizona the D-Rays sister expansion team, (why is it never brother when comparing things like this) have won a World Series and had some excitement. Oh well, and also my heart goes out to Rod Allen because tonight he got put in his place by an emailer who asked if any of Rods 11 career big league hits came off good pitchers. Ouch. You know that had to hurt him too, because he talks as though he were an integral member of the 84 championship team. At first it sounded like he was going to dispute the facts, but he knew deep down the guy was right. I bet he flipped over the production fan for forwarding that question through as well as punish Impembas asshole tonight for reading it on air. Well at least now we know Mike Flanagan and Frank Viola share the ignominy of allowing a hit to Rod Allen, when this was relayed to Viola he responded by saying "Who the fuck is Ron Allen?"


Kevin said...

I like this blog...came acrossed it on a search engine. I am a big Tiger fan and could really care less about the insane statistical analysis that is on every baseball related website anymore. I want to be entertained when I read about sports. Keep it up.

beefshower said...

thank you kevin, finally i am inspired to continue to write, i was thinking about quitting because i thought i was writing in vain.....