Thursday, May 19, 2005

Team Digital

I can never think of any creative titles for my posts so I have to dip into obscure references from old Nickelodeon game shows, this one (obviously?) from Get The Picture, which, thanks to the emergence of Nick GAS, quite possibly the greatest network of all time, allows me, no wait, all of us to enjoy the antics of Mike O'Malley once again. Speaking of Mike O'Malley, he now plays an integral part of my daily routine, my night usually winds down around the time of the aforementioned Get the Picture, and of course GUTS, and my night officially ends when I laugh at one of Mike O'Malleys jokes on his respective shows, which clearly shows me my lack of sleep is making me delusional.

However, and this is the last thing I will write about Mike O'Malley, possibly ever, but he was much funnier on a childrens game show that aired over a decade ago, then he is on his current TV gig, Yes Dear. Yes Dear may possibly be the worst show in the history of television, I mean ever. If I had to wait to laugh at that show before I went to bed it wouldn't happen, I would never get to sleep, I would die from exhaustion, even if towards the end of the second week of waiting to laugh when a person would normally start to laugh uncontrollably because of delirium, I still wouldnt laugh. That is how powerfully unfunny Yes Dear is. I hate CBS and all of their sitcoms. Thank God that Everybody Loves Raymond came to an end. I never in my life willingly watched that show, I have had the unpleasant experience of viewing that show several times because my room mate LOVED it. King of Queens is equally bad.

I remember CBS sucking throughout the early part of my life, I believe it was the original home of Diagnosis Murder and Walker Texas Ranger, and I avoided CBS like the plague, I couldn't even tell you what channel it was on. It was during this time the people in control of CBS came up with a brilliant idea, women constitute over fifty percent of the U.S. population, so CBS, beginning with Raymond, catered to the female audience, by creating a show with a domineering woman and a totally submissive and pussy whipped husband. And it worked, women loved it and watched in massive numbers, however as an added bonus, these women, I am assuming encouraged by Patricia Heatons character, became the dominant partner in their relationship, and forced their pussy-whipped boyfriends/husbands to watch this new brand of sitcoms with them. Following the success of Raymond, the unwatchable King of Queens was spawned, I will save King of Queens for another post for I could not possibly do justice to the hate, HATE, I feel for this show in the rest of this post. (I will mention that this show was responsible with giving the world Kevin James in shorts, a sight so obscene it should not be allowed on network television).

Also spawning from Raymond was Yes Dear. Oh god how I hate Yes Dear, the lead actor on that show is the most insufferable whiny character ever, whole episodes are revolved around the fathers fragile ego, and how his sons run to their uncle instead of him when scared during a thunderstorm (I wonder why they see him as such a weak man, when all they ever witness from him is incessant bitching and crying). Somehow these shows make it to syndication where a whole new generation of young lovers is introduced to them, people like my room mate and his girlfriend. They watch these shows and because of this fresh, new, possibly cutting edge comedies and animated shows are cancelled, because the viewership that they so desperately need, mostly from young male audiences is sucked away, timidly laughing with their significant other as Keri emasculates Doug in front of his friends and co-workers. These negative male stereotypes are being re-enforced while shows like Family Guy, Futurama, and Arrested Development teeter on the edge of cancellation. So when society and civilization come crashing down in the near future and a New World Order of women takes control, we can look forward to one day driving our children to the new national monument, a redefined Mount Rushmore where future generation can celebrate the contributions that Leah Remini, Patricia Heaton, and Kevin James made to this new hell on earth.

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