Thursday, May 12, 2005

Misc. Word Salad

Once again I have been over ambitious, well only for my standards, most people would be quite capable of sitting down and updating a running journal of the Tigers season for 30 minutes a day, however the difference between me and those people is that they have lives. Its been over a month since my last entry but I am determined to make this work, and I have been busy so LAY OFF ME. I am also going to expand the scope of my blog, (I still havent thought of a synonym for that word, which I refuse to type again). Anyways since my last post the Tigers two big free agent signings from this past winter have blown up. First off Magglio Ordonez started off the season batting 0-10, came down with the Ebola virus, and is now going to miss the next 3 or 4 months with a hernia, wait no, it isnt a hernia, or is it, better go see three more specialists, ok it is a hernia. See I am not a doctor, but I think the one injury I could probably diagnose myself would be a hernia. I did take anatomy in high school and have seen pictures, not to mention my grandpa after his hernia operation, an event that I don't think Im ready to talk about yet but am sure to be telling a therapist in twenty years, and I know that if all of my intestines have fallen into my sac I probably have a hernia. So who the hell knows when Magglio will be back and ready to be effective. I do know that if we did have him we would not be a game under .500.

Also Troy Percival has made his annual trip to the DL, with a torn muscle in his forearm, which ironically is known to be great for closers in their mid 30's who have been experiencing a drop in velocity and strikeout Ugueth is back to closing for the next month and a half or so.

The biggest story, well not the biggest but most enjoyable for me, in the five weeks of the season has been the stellar play of Nook Logan. I have been a Nook fan since last season when I first laid eyes on the tall, beanpole, Southerner with his hat cocked sideways and laid atop his afro which poked out at the sides not to be confined to the constraints of a rigid baseball cap..............Im sorry about that I was obviously trying to channel the ghost of George Plimpton with that last sentence, wait no, that sentence was written much too generically for someone like George Plimpton, so I was channeling the ghost of Dean Howe a man who may or may not still be alive but only recognizable by the ghostly viasge that adorns the top of his Flint Journal column.

Nook Logan must be the type of player Oscar Gamble pictured himself as being if he could play in the twenty first century, only without power and Nook is not a cyborg. This is not to say that I dont hope that the game of baseball will develop into a game similar to BaseWars for Nintendo, a game where ties dont go to the runner but to whichever robot survives the impromptu death match that occurs on the bag. I also dont think that Nook will ever hit a homerun in his career, or at least one that makes it into the stands. One last thing about Nook Logan, Karl Ravech needs to stop calling him "Nuke" Logan, its Nook, as in the place where Mr. Ravech eats his Oreo cookies off of John Kruk's stomach before heading to work in the morning.

Speaking of ESPN its sad to see what has happened to their NHL guys. E.j. Hradek who writes for the Magazine has been relegated to covering obscure horse racing stories that everyone who gets the mag is going to skip over, unless its the only magazine they have on a trans-atlantic flight, even then it will probably be used more as a gum wrapper page when the in flight meal comes, replacing Dan Le Betards column as least readable article. Let me guess what its about, a jockey overcomes drug/alcohol/spousal abuse/car accident/shooting/forest fire, which derails once promising career, (as if there is such a thing as a promising jockey career), re-establishes himself at local track, falls for some domineering giant of a woman, gets to ride potential Kentucky Derby winner, gains redemption. Touching, but Ive read it before, about 133 times. Meanwhile John Buccigross is manning the graveyard shift ESPNEWZ chair, where he is so out of his element hes making obscure Foo Fighter references while hoping he can earn enough money he needs to buy the bullet that can end this hellish non-NHL world for him. However Steve Levy apparently showed enough range in Fever Pitch to earn a spot on Sportcenter, either that or he was the only guy in Bristol who would work with Stuart Scott and his puffy eyed multiple step handshakes. Barry Melrose is AWOL, and Im going to bed.

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