Tigers - Cardinals 6/24/06

Normally I wait until after a series is over before I start typing but tonight's game, which clocked in at nearly 4 hours, was to good to wait until Monday afternoon to re-cap. No long ass preface to this game let's just dive right in.

1:) Rod Allen and Mario Impemba are the worst announcing team in the history of baseball. I know this has nothing to do with the game itself but the two of them almost ruined what was possibly the most exciting game of the year. I dont mind Impemba so much because he just seems like a corny douchebag but Rod Allen is awful. I write a ton about how much I hate these guys but I won't stop complaining until they are gone. A list of tonights offenses by Mr. Allen.

1.A) Confusing Albert Pujols with Albert Belle. Then he referred to Pujols as "P-H-A-T" Albert twice, spelling it out for us both times, just in case we didnt get it before.

1.B) Continuing his urban grammar/spelling lessons that impress only Mario, and makes the rest of the viewing audience cringe, ( I also hate Impembas crush on Allen, I bet he broadcasts most of the games with his left hand placed on Allen's crotch) says that Curtis Granderson is "B-A-D-D, badd". Later on Allen broke out the thesaurus and described Granderson's play so far in the game as "nice" and then to really emphasize how amazing Granderson has been so far he says he's "really nice". Seriously, these guys make Dan Dickerson and Jim Price on the radio look like Ernie Harwell and Vin Scully. Speaking of Harwell, would anybody be opposed to the idea of just hooking up a live feed of the game to Harwell as he broadcast the game from the couch, who cares if he's nearly 90 and would mispronounce a ton of names he'd still be better then these guys. But I digress.

2. Back to Granderson, to quote Allen he is "nice" and "B-A-D-D" and to be more blunt pretty fucking spectacular. 4-5 tonight with 1 BB 3 runs, he stole third and scored from first to win it in the 10th, and even though he didnt really show it this game he has a lot of pop, like 20-25 homerun a year pop. He's about two weeks away from me going out and laying down a 150 bucks on a number 28 jersey. I couldn't be happier with this years team but can you imagine an outfield of Cameron Maybin and Granderson in a couple of years. Nice.

3. Earlier today I was talking to a friend of mine and we were discussing how the Tigers have had few spectacular defensive plays this year and how you hardly see them on WebGems even though they are a pretty solid if not spectacular defensive team. Sure enough tonight we saw Shelton's diving snare and Kenny Rogers knockdown, scramble throw, both of which cracked the Sportscenter Top 10.

4. Joel Zumaya. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. He comes in and throws seven pitches five of which crack 101 with a high of 104 MPH. They didn't mention it on ESPN or the Yahoo! recap so it may have just been the effects of a fast gun but still that is unbelievable. 104 MPH!!! That's the fastest since the immortal Matt Anderson, (so lets make sure Zumaya doesnt enter any squid tossing contests). The very idea that there were rumors that Zumaya may be involved in a deal for John Smoltz is so ludicrous that just the mere thought of it makes me want to vomit in rage. (OK I can tell Im worked up now, I'll try to calm down) Seriously though didnt we trade a young up and coming pitcher for an over the hill starter for the stretch run just 20 years ago? Didn't we trade away a young JOHN SMOLTZ 19 years ago for a 36 year old Doyle Alexander who got his ass lit up to the tune of 10 runs in nine playoff innings before completely decomposing during a 6-18 season in 1989. Did some people not learn from this, did anyone think this was a good idea. Good thing Leyland crushed this rumor like the 60 cigarette butts he puts out a day because if this wouldve happened I would be driving around with Dave Dombrowski in my trunk and no jury wouldve convicted me. Just so you know.

Series Wrap-up: Brewers-Tigers 6/19-6/21

(I know this is a couple of days late but Blogger wouldn't let me publish anything over the past couple of days.)

I've always liked the Milwaukee Brewers., and it's still weird to think of them as a National League team even though this is their ninth year in the senior circuit. I've always liked their logo and team colors, as a kid I collected somewhere between 10,000 to 15,000 Gary Sheffield Donruss Rated Rookie Cards, ( I have an equal number of Griffey's from that year along with Steve Searcy (?), I hope someone lost their job for the Searcy pick). I also like that the Brewers were moved from the AL Central to the NL Central in 1998 to make room for the Tigers who got pushed out of the AL East by the expansion Devil-Rays, not that it made much difference because the Tigers continued to finish in last place every year, but at least they didnt have to get beat by the Yankees and Red Sox 19 times a season. Also Tigers and Brewers fans can relate because the two teams went through 13 consecutive non-winning seasons, suffered through independent Phil Garner eras, and both teams are currently on the rise. That being said the Tigers opened a three game series against the Brewers in Milwaukee looking to continue their recent hot streak.

Monday night our need for a left handed bat was exposed again, (I know we need a left handed bat, but what we DON'T need is Aubrey Huff or Jeremy Burnitz, please god don't let that happen), as Doug Davis ate the Tigers lineup alive with 9 k's and three hits through 7 innings. Jeremy Bonderman was equally impressive with 12 k's for the second straight start and no runs until Prince Fielder, Cecil's son, former fat kid from the McDonald's commercials, current fat kid first baseman crushed a solo shot in the bottom of the seventh. However the Tigers responded showcasing their power hitting in the eighth inning by reaching base on two bunt singles accompanied by throwing errors. Magglio then doubled in a couple of runs to make it 3-1, before Todd Jones came in and got an amazingly stress free save.

The second game was over before it even started as Rick Helling, easily the most successful major league pitcher in the history of North Dakota took the mound. I'm amazed at how washed up guys continually get chances in the majors based on one or two successful seasons that happened over a decade ago. Really, Rick Helling is the best pitcher you have to throw out there (see also, Jose Lima, Brian Moehler, Aaron Sele, etc). What was Plan B? James Baldwin, Tommy Greene? Roger Pavlik? Anyways Helling got crushed to the tune of 7 runs over 2 1/3 innings and by the time the 4th inning was over it was 10-0 Detroit, thanks to two Magglio homeruns, his first in what seemed to be ages, as well as the triumphant return of Craig Monroe. Had this been the original R.B.I. Baseball the game would've ended in a mercy, however they continued and Zach Miner pitched masterfully. It looks as though he will be the key to the Farnsworth deal last summer and not Roman Colon, much like Robertson became the best pitcher from the Redman deal and not devil incarnate Gary Knotts.

The third and final game of the series wasn't on so I didnt get a chance to watch any of it obviously. However it did feature Chris Capuano as the starter for the Brewers and who was also pitching for my fantasy team. I actually thought about sitting him because the Tigers had been playing so well but decided against it. This was a reversal from three years ago, when I would pick guys up off the waiver wire to throw into my lineup when they were playing the Tigers because they were almost always assured a victory. Regardless Capuano and Robertson both pitched well and the game was decided on a Rickie Weeks homerun of Joel Zumaya, which won it 4-3.

Another Productive Day at the Office

This summer I'm working an internship at my Dad's law office in the wonderful turd-tropolis that is Clio. So far today, I've done some typing, checked e-mail about 5,674 times, (that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll check it again..............Hey 30% off at J. Crew, that was exciting.), Discreetly refreshed the box score to the Pirates/D-Backs game because I had Freddy Sanchez playing a spot start and he was up with the bases loaded (he struck out), ate a handful of Tootsie Rolls, closed the door to my office and talked to my friend TJ on the cell phone, and feigned looking productive when my Dad or his secretary Mary walked by. Anyways, I thought I would close out this hectic rat race of a Monday by killing 30 minutes or so wrapping up the Tigers beat down of the Cubs over the weekend. I remember doing some series wrap-ups pre-Final Exams meltdown, and enjoyed doing them and with the Tigers continuing to play well I think its time to re-start the wrap-ups.

This was a good weekend for the Tigers as they continued their nearly century long dominance over the hapless Cubs. (But then again what team hasnt dominated the Cubs over the last century?) No doubt inspired to avenge the beating administered by Tinkers/Evers/Chance, and Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown on precocious Ty Cobb and the rest of the 1908 Tigers, this years squad completed a sweep in decisive fashion. (Why don't people name their kids like they did in the late 1800's, there is a shortage of Rube's, Heinie's, Mordecai's, and Ira's, or were the people with these names more likely to contract TB, typhoid, and smallpox? I need to know this.) I missed Fridays game because the 2:20 start time did not fit well into my work schedule, but I was able to follow the action live thanks to the tiny yellow dots on Yahoo! gamecast it was almost like I was actually there, (if the game were being played using an Atari 2600). Curtis Granderson, who is quickly becoming my favorite Tiger, thanks in part to his involvement in my two favorite teams, the Tigers and my fantasy team Team bearface, set the tone early, in what would become a theme for him in this series. Nate Robertson was solid again, and I rushed home just in time to see beleaguered closer Todd Jones come strolling in to try to finish off the game. When i saw this my heart sank immediately as I was really hoping to see Rodney take over the role. Jones has been called the "Rollercoaster" by other sites, but I disagree with this nickname. Rollercoasters tend to have peaks and valleys, unless they really suck like say...........the Iron Dragon, however Todd Jones is mainly going from a high point (having the lead) and then plummeting into the depths of hell (see: Tigers v. D-Rays), so if I had to compare him to a rollercoaster it would be the Demon Drop, which I think is a more appropriate name.........but I digress. Regardless Jones closed without incident and the Tigers won but I still dont trust him.

The second game wasnt televised in Clio because we don't get Channel 20, but from what I could glean from half ass reading the Detroit News was that Verlander wasnt particularly sharp, but didnt get hit hard, the Cubs might have got screwed on a foul ball call by the seemingly impossible to get out Henry Blanco, and the Tigers scored a lot late to really put the game out of reach. Hows that for an in-depth re-cap.

Sundays game was intriguing due to the fact that Mark Prior was making his season debut and Kenny Rogers was going for his 200th win. The Tigers greeted Mark Prior and his very hittable fastball by beating his brains in for 3 2/3 innings. Granderson led off the game with a homerun, the first time he's done that in his career moving him to within 80 of Ricky Henderson on the all-time homerun list. (Ricky Henderson says, "Ricky Henderson isnt worried about Kevin Anderson catching him."). It got so bad for Prior that even Vance Wilson hit a bomb off of him. The ghost of Chris Shelton's April returned to hit two homeruns, and Brandon Deer errr I mean Rob Inge continued his torrid homerun pace while sporting a batting average that would make Steve Balboni blush. Anyways this Tigers beatdown was overshadowed by the generic sappy storyline of Kenny Rogers 200th victory on Father's Day in the Friendly Con......blah blah blah, as all the sportswriters channeled their inner Mitch Albom and pretended to believe that their own fathers didnt think of them as bitter disappointments. (Its Monday I have a right to be caustic.)

Has anyone ever told you..........?

For whatever reason my passion for sports is in a lull right now. The NBA season is over (this NBA Finals isn't happening, I will not acknowledge its presence nor recognize the champion, I will be in Hart Plaza a week from now, sitting in a folding chair, waiting for Ben Wallace to drive dow...........no, no this is to painful to write, but you get the idea), the U.S. World Cup team may be the most overhyped bust since "Join Bode", and Todd Jones not only ruined my day but was crushing my very soul, with a string of appearances that left his ERA north of 7.00. The bleakest moment came a week and a half ago when I went to the Tigers-Red Sox game and saw Rogers and Schilling pitch like they did when they were youngsters back in the 1940's. Everything was going smoothly until two outs in the ninth, two strikes on Youkilis, I'm standing and cheering and, Crack. Home Run. Red Sox lead 3-2, the energy is sucked out of Comerica, I crash in my seat next to a 500 pound man who somehow managed to sneak a handful of cheese danishes into the game, and was losing his battle with his stink organ, and the literally TWO SECONDS later my phone rings with my sister telling me the Pistons were down twenty in the third quarter...and I didnt care..........well I did a little but the point was those events which transpired over a mere 30 seconds were so emotionally wrenching, that I couldnt muster the energy to care passionately about sports for awhile. I also started working an internship and stupidly neglected updating this site, (I couldnt even muster the energy to make a Dmitri Young/Little Caesar' Hot & Ready addiction joke (is it too late to say it now? It is? ok moving on) which is one of the few things I really enjoy doing.

Well now that Ive spent a paragraph to essentially say "I'm lazy!" I'm going to write about something that doesnt necessarily pertain to sports, but thats always fascinated me. I need to explain. The other day I'm sitting at the Wendy's drive-thru when the black guy who works the deep fryer (I think it was Chris Cash) glances at me and it seems as though he recognizes me. I quickly try to think of where he might know me from. Do I owe him drug money? Does he owe ME drug money? No that doesnt make sense I dont do drugs. Now he's walking over, leans out the window and says "Has anyone ever told you, you look like Steve Nash." I respond, "Amazingly yes, even though I dont see it". Of course, his question and my answer draw the attention of the other workers who troll by and say things like "what are you doing up here", and "how's Amare's knee?", all while laughing. I dont mind, in fact I kind of enjoy it, because for whatever reason I've always been curious to see how I look to others. So heres a list of people who are said to look like me by more than one person along with its advantages/disadvantages. For reference, my law school photo is posted a few posts down and I'm not Ricky Williams.



1: Steve Nash: This started when I was at Michigan State and my roommate and I would go to the IM building to play basketball. I had long hair at the time and every time I would show up all the black guys would start laughing and say "looks like we got Nash here tonight." This continued through the Gus Macker tournament last year and now it dogs me at Wendy's. Of course the comparisons stopped when the opposing team realized I was more Travis Knight than Steve Nash, and could barely dribble with my left hand.

Advantages: Having Geri Halliwell show up at my Gus Macker games. Two MVP trophies. Close friendship with German(s).
Disadvantages: Chest Hair.


2. Bob Denver: I've heard this twice in my life and both times in the same week. First by a homeless man selling candles door to door in Lansing, I laughed it off as another hysterical case of alcohol dementia. And then two days later my impish history professor told me this after class, creeping me out enough to keep me from coming back.

Advantages: Hanging out with Dobey Gillis

Disadvantages: random hat beatings from obese captains.





3: Keith Moon: I hear this mainly from my dads crusty old 70's rock friends, and random 50 year old alcoholic guys who wear bandanas.

Advantages: Kickass drumming, Groupies, Drugs, Rock & Roll, and all that.
Disadvantage: Inability to swim.




4: Tyson Ritter: He's the lead singer of All-American Rejects, I had to look up his name, all I know about him is that I supposedly bear a resemblance to him in the "Move Along" video.

Advantages: Picking up 7th grade girls at the Hot Topic located in Genesee Valley Mall

Disadvantages: Being shown on Dateline trying to pick up 7th graders at the mall, making crap rock music that plagues Madden games.


5: Cedric the Entertainer: Seriously is anyone still reading this?


5: Josh Groban: I hear this from mom's who want their daughters to date nice, sensitive, caring Josh Groban types, only they dont know they are dealing with an acerbic, desperate, socially inept Andrew type. Oh yeah and my Uncle Rex said this. Thats right. Rex.

Advantages: None.

Disadvantages: Looking like Josh Groban.




6: Jeff Samardzija: I got this after running for my life outside of Michigan Stadium after Samardzija made the game winning touchdown grab. There was a photo in ESPN the Magazine a few months ago where I could actually see the resemblance, mostly in our gargantuan angular noses, albeit I look like a Samardzija with no muscle, no hands, and no fastball.

Advantages: Lining up the Catholic girls and owning South Bend alongside Brady Quinn next year.

Disadvantages: Having to go to Nortre Dame, Red Haired/Irish Catholic girls, Having to look at Charlie Weiss in shorts.

Tigers Draft Nightmare

Over the next two days Major League Baseball will be holding its annual amateur draft consisting of over fifty rounds and the selection of over 1500 players, 99% of whom won't make it to the big league level, and the 1% who do make it will be backing up an undrafted Latino player. This means that nearly every person in the country with any sort of baseball experience has probably been drafted at some point in time. I think I've even been drafted based on my few years experience in Little League, (however due to the fact that I missed the cutoff date to play with kids my own age by two days my numbers were somewhat inflated, it was like the Steroid Age of Clio Youth Baseball.) It goes without saying that a team that drafts well and constantly has an influx of homegrown talent to complement their veteran players and keep free agent signings of has-beens (Reggie Sanders) and never-weres (Pat Meares) to a minimum are pretty successful. For a while the Tigers were one of the best teams in baseball when it came to the draft as exemplified by the 1984 World Series team, where nearly every major player like Gibson, Whitaker, Trammel, and Morris, were drafted and nurtured in the Tigers system. Then the Tigers struck out with their early picks for about twenty years and when it became to replace the aging Trammel, Whitaker, and Gibson the Tigers were stuck and had to resort to signing the Bip Roberts and trading for the Mark Lewis' of the world and a series of 100 loss seasons ensued. Today I'm going to look at recent Tigers 1st round draft picks (flameouts).

1995: Mike Drumright: Was a highly regarded polished college pitcher and drafted ahead of the riskier high schooler named, wait for it.........Roy Halladay (ugh). Drumright famously threw 150 pitches in 3 innings at Double A, which rightfully got his manager fired, and blew his arm all to hell. According to the statistical, souless, robot unit named Rob Neyer Drumright was almost traded for Bernie Williams in '97 before the "Boss" nixed the deal. Instead he went 24-46 in 5 seasons in the Tigers organization before being traded straight up for Brandon Villafuerte. Drumright ended up making his major league debut in 2003 with the Orioles pitching 4 innings before retiring.

1996: Seth Greisinger: Another college pitcher who experienced arm trouble for Detroit. Greisinger made it to the majors in his second full season and showed some promise after making 21 starts. However arm problems resulted in him missing 3 full seasons. 3!!!! To his credit he battled back from the injuries to start a couple of games for Detroit in '02. However he couldnt make the team in '03 (remember they lost 119 games that year) and has kicked around with the Twins and Braves since.

1997: Matt Anderson: He was the number one pick in the draft and my all time favorite Tiger for reasons unbeknownst to even me. He threw 100 MPH, which he couldnt control, and a knuckle curve that got consistently rocked, but he was exciting. At least until he blew his arm out in an octopus throwing contest in an attempt to win Red Wings tickets that were too expensive for his $4,000,000 salary. Currently he's getting lit up in AAA Fresno in the Giants organization.

1998: Jeff Weaver: Finally the Tigers drafted a solid major leaguer. Weaver was the "ace" on the Tigers staff as soon as he reached the big leagues. However the most impressive thing he accomplished in his Tiger career was bating ultrareligious Royal Mike Sweeney into one of the most spectacular donnybrooks in years. He was eventually traded for Jeremy Bonderman in what looks to be a good deal, given Weavers struggles over the past few seasons.

1999: Eric Munson: Munson was highly touted coming out of college and was taken third overall. He showed promise as a power hitter in that disastrous '03 season, enough promise for me to take him as a sleeper pick at third in '04. That didnt work out to well. After refusing to die in Tampa, where all former prospects go for a last shot (currently Russell Branyan, Travis Lee and Casey Fossum) last season, he's reunited with Phil Garner and the Astros.

2000: Matt Wheatland: I know nothing about this guy, other than the fact that I own a ton of his Topps rookie cards, this was in a brief period when I heavily got into collecting cards again, (heavy makes it sound like a drug addiction, and so what if I was a 17 year old eschewing high school parties to buy baseball cards, the fact that I was also single was purely coincidental I tell you. COINCIDENTAL.) Wheatland held out and got an assload of money as a bonus and went 3-5 in two seasons. Good move by him

2001: Kenny Baugh: Another college pitcher, more arm trouble. According to an old Detroit news article Baugh once threw 170+ pitches in a college game his senior year, and then 210 innings in the minors for Detroit. Soon he was throwing BP fastballs and headed for shoulder surgery. He's now with the Padres organization.

2002: Scott Moore: After realizing drafting pitchers wasnt working out to well the Tigers took a shot on another position player this time a shortstop. Moore hit nothing and struck out a lot in his three years with the Tigers. He was traded to the Cubs in the Farnsworth deal and is still in the low level minors.

2003: Kyle Sleeth: Another pitcher even more arm problems. After missing out on Delmon Young and Rickie Weeks, two top flight, can't miss prospects, the Tigers drafted third and took Sleeth out of Wake Forest. After two unspectacular years in the minors Sleeth had Tommy John surgery forcing him to miss all of last season.

2004: Justin Verlander: He took forever to sign, but so far the early returns have been good. Verlander has been one of the best pitchers in the American League this season, and even earned a little photo on the top left corner of this weeks Sports Illustrated. Wait, did I just say our top pitching prospect of the last 25 years just appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated? NOOOOOOOOO. If anything happens to Verlander in the next few weeks I'm kidnapping Rick Reilly and feeding him to Steve Rushin.

2005: Cameron Maybin: To early to tell with him, but his first season has been promising and he is known as a toolsy player who has been compared to (I'm not making this up) Ken Griffey Jr. However I remember hearing the same thing about Ruben Mateo......howd that turn out?

Update: According to mlb.com due to the incompetence of the Royals the Tigers have taken Andrew Miller in the first round. The consensus best pitcher in the draft out of North Carolina, and supposedly the most major league ready.

Game Five

I'll admit it, I gave up on the Pistons. 24 hours ago I was going to sit down and write about everything I thought was wrong with the Pistons. I was ready to weigh in on all the hot talk radio topics, such as if the Pistons would re-sign Ben, how much is he worth, could Flip Saunders be fired after one disappointing playoff series, was their some kind of deep discord in the lockerroom, was this the end of a mini dynasty. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't write because it was too depressing to think that after tomorrow night the season would be over and next year Ben would come into Detroit with a Bulls jersey on. (Honorable mention for not being able to write that post: Battling German Measles, that's right I may be carrying a disease that was eradicated around the same time as Typhoid and diphtheria.) Now minutes after an exhilarating Game 5 victory for Detroit, a game where they finally looked like the PISTONS, I can't wait to watch every second of Game 6.........Except I'm going to be at the Tigers/Red Sox game Friday night. Shit. No, it'll be fun to be at Comerica to watch a rivalry between two of the original AL teams with my friend Kevin and his girlfriend. Wait, no.......no it won't, I'd rather be watching Game 6. Some quick observations.

1: My initial fears for tonight were put to rest when Rip was on TV before tipoff telling Jim Gray that the Pistons were like brothers and they wished it had stayed in house blah blah blah. Before seeing this I was expecting Rasheed to hang out at the 3 point line, pick up 4 quick half ass reach in fouls, be petulant and pissy, and get riled up and tossed from the game by the third quarter.......or in other words play like he had been for the first four games of the series. But after listening to Rip talk to Gray I knew they were going to play hard tonight and if someone did act out the other four wouldn't let it continue and/or destroy the team, and even though Rasheed didnt have a great game statistically he still played hard and was into it all the way through the end.

2: Biggest play of the night, hands down, far and away, was Tayshaun's 3 pointer with 2 seconds on the shot clock after Shaq blocked Hamilton's drive to the basket, giving the Pistons an 82-76 lead and effectively ending the Heat's threat to come back or tie it.

3: Remember when Ben Wallace was a four time Defensive Player of the Year and blocked two shots a game and altered countless others, well tonight was a throwback to those old......hang on a minute I need to check something.........hmmmm.......no, no, that can't be right........He won it this year?!?! Now I remember, well thanks Ben for finally showing up and being a presence in the middle for the first time since killing Bogut/Magloire back in Round One. IF the Pistons come back and win this, Ben stuffing Shaq will go down as the series changing moment.

4: Is there a less sympathetic kidney transplant/debilitating disease survivor than Alonzo Mourning. It is amazing how much he has had to overcome to get back to playing professional basketball and I know he's an inspiration to many who suffer from similar illnesses, but is all that preening, machismo, and cheap shots necessary? Really? Is it o.k. to hate him or does that make me a bad person. I need someone to tell me these things.

5: Speaking of people coming back from career threatening injury/illness is anybody more motivated or focused to win a championship than Antonio McDyess. The man can be unstoppable especially when he's wide open from 12-15 feet on the baseline. He has to make at least 85% of those shots. (If he goes 1-10 on Friday night and you want to beat me up for jinxing him, don't worry because I'll already be doing it.)

6: In the game notes after the AP wrapup it says that the list of celebrities in attendance tonight were Kid Rock (really does he even count anymore, he was popular in 7 years ago, Fred Durst was working at the Lemon Chill stand and didnt get a mention), Niklas Lidstrom, Bob Seger, and Tom Izzo. Seriously if you were at this game and had appeared in anything, even a local commercial and didnt get mentioned, then your career is over.......I'm looking at you Sandra Bernhard.

Witness

Today I was fortunate enough to witness history unfold before my very eyes. In what will surely go down as one of the greatest days in the history of Detroit sports, I was in attendance with my family to watch Todd Jones pass Mike Henneman on the Tigers all-time saves list. With ESPN interrupting their programming to air this momentous occasion live, the stadium anxiously watched as Edwin Encarnacion stood only 90 feet from home with the imposing Javier Valenitin pinch hitting, striding to the plate with a chance to chance to alter the game with one swing of the bat, and make Jones pursuit of the hallowed record wait another day. The Game Seven of the Pistons-Cavs series, which in itself had a chance to define the Pistons legacy, cut short a phenomenal season, dash expectations and single handedly ruin my summer and plans to attend Hart Plaza in late June was a distant thought in the minds of the Tigers faithful. Oh hell forget it, I can't keep it up anymore, 90 percent of the crowd was watching the clock on the scoreboard hoping to get the hell out of Comerica before the Pistons tipped off at 3:30. This is not to take anything away from the Tigers game this afternoon, (it was a beautiful day and I had a blast), but there were clearly more pressing matters to attend to. Luckily Jones accommodated us, and got Valentin to harmlessly fly out.

After a close first half, the Pistons stifled the Cavs completely in the second half and the game was essentially over after the Pistons closed the third quarter on a run that stretched the lead to double digits and the Cavs never really threatened again. With the series closed out I'm going to go back to my favorite gimmick........Handing out grades for the series!

Ben Wallace: B-: His offense and free throw shooting was atrocious this series, even by his standards, capped by his 0-7 from the line in a must win game five. 0-7. Really? Severely retarded monkeys, like the one pictured to the right, could shoot 0-7 from the line. However as bad as Ben was offensively in this series, he still did the little things that help the Pistons win. He grabbed boards, kept loose balls alive, took charges, altered shots, and intimidated Zydrunas into becoming 7'3" jump shooting bitch in Game 4.

Rasheed Wallace: C+: I know he battled through an injury, but even at 10 percent Rasheed should still be capable of outplaying Rembrandt from "The Warriors". However, when he remembered who was trying to guard him he took him to the rim with ease.

Rasheed Wallace's humor: A++++++: Where do you begin, Another guaranteed victory, "Sunshine on a dog's ass", "Bananas yo", and the impeccable work from the always entertaining Need4Sheed.com, namely Zydrunas and LeBron's future jobs.

Tayshaun Prince: A: I believe Tayshaun was the MVP of this series as he was the only consistent performer throughout the whole seven game series, and averaged 18 ppg along with solid rebounding and defense.

Rip: B: Hamilton seemed to struggle with his shot some this series, but even when it wasnt falling he did a good job of being aggressive and getting to the line, as exemplified by his 18 free throw attempts in Game 2. As the series went on it seems like he wasnt running as much and the offense grew a little stagnant, although that wasnt entirely his fault.

Chauncey: B-: Chauncey was uncharacteristically sloppy at times in this series, throwing lazy entry passes that were getting swiped from behind. It also seems as though he wasnt nearly as aggressive as he could have been, especially when little Damon Jones was guarding him. If Chauncey had really attacked he could have fouled Damon Jones' out in ten minutes. But it seemed as though he was content running pick and rolls, or dribbling for 16 seconds and hoisting a three.

Bench: A-: McDyess single handedly kept the Pistons in Game 5 with his fourth quarter scoring, and Lindsey Hunter provided his usual energy and defensive presence off the bench, even though the referees wouldnt let him get with 6 inches of LeBron, or even let LeBron push him to the ground without getting a foul.

Cleveland Cavs Beards: F-: LeBrons' neck beard was reprehensible and made me grow a strong disliking for him, along with his ridiculous scowl/whiny face. And whatever the hell that growth was on Zydrunas' face was frightening, the only thing I can think to compare it to, is those old Wooly Willy toys, its as if someone took all of the magnetic shavings from the top of his head and slid them down onto his chin, you can barely make him out in the top left corner of this photo.

Oh yeah Pistons beat the Heat in six.......Goodnight.

Where's Truby?

A week ago today I finished my FINAL law exam of the spring. During the last twenty minutes or so of the exam I was getting so excited thinking about the premise of being done with school for the summer that I was getting butterflies in my stomach. No more staying up for 24 hours cramming and then sleeping for the whole day, no more despondent phone calls to my family an hour before the exam after working myself into a frenzy over the fear that I might fail, no more class period. By the time I got home from my exam, I was literally shaking, I didnt know whether to scream, cry tears of joy, jump up onto the table and dance, or lay down and die. Unfortunately I came closer to the latter than anything else as for the past week I've been sick (think Strep Throat with more blood......no, really its as fun as it sounds), and all those butterflies I felt in my stomach was really the beginning of a virus coursing its way through my body. Sorry for the long introduction but I felt I owed it to my two regular readers who are not related to me and didnt know I was sick, and to Chris Truby who I imagine is Google-ing his name, killing time before he has to go open the Verizon Wireless kiosk at the Omaha Best Buy, waiting/hoping the Royals call because he's got to be better than D'Angelo Jiminez, and IF they call him it won't use up his prepaid minutes.

Anyways this is not going to be a Chris Truby hate post, because God knows there are many sites already devoted to that subject, almost all of which are better than mine. No, the brunt of this post is my fear that the Tigers will be overtaken by fairweather fans, if their winning ways continue, and fans who have been rained on for 13 years, experienced heart ache, the wunderkind Randy Smith era, and a FREAKIN' 119 LOSS SEASON, will be left peering in through the wrought iron fence in right field, disheveled, with an unkempt red beard, grasping at people who come within an arms length, hoping to pull them close in as threatening a manner as possible and whispering in their ear "Tell me who George Lombard is?", before security leads me....I mean them, away for the third time this week.

I first got the idea for this post about fairweather fans when I was at a sports bar recently and noticed that the Tigers game was on the main television instead of the usual HeadLine news with the sound turned off. I was pleasantly surprised and enjoying the game when the guy sitting next to me turned to me and said, "Chris Shelton is really doing good for a first year player." I sat for a moment and then replied it was actually his third season and the guy slowly turned back towards me with a screw face on and slowly tilted his head to the left, as if I had just told him that the world was indeed flat. I felt all kinds of rage sweep over my body as I recognized this guy as the same type of person who probably drug out his teal Grant Hill jersey when the Pistons were in the Finals a couple of years ago, and asked when we drafted Chauncey Billups. Luckily for him and me Killer Queen came on over the jukebox and Freddy Mercury made me feel well........pleasant, like he always does, but I digress.

I've always been a hopelessly optimistic/delusional Tigers fan and my sister still reminds me of the time I fervently argued that the Tigers acquiring Mitch Meluskey, Roger Cedeno, and Chris Holt would be enough to put them over the top in the Central division (they went 56-106 instead.....close, only 39 games back), and this season was no different as I predicted the Tigers would win 88 games and finish second in the Central. So far they have exceeded my own expectations and have the best record in baseball, (I cant believe I just typed that, I'm waiting for the earth to open up and swallow me whole). They havent been this good since 1993, when I was nine years old, wearing a Mt. Crushmore T-shirt with Fielder, Tettleton, Fryman, and the recently traded Rob Deer on it, and thinking I was the coolest fifth grader in the world because I got Ten by Pearly Jam for my Birthday. Had I known that it would be the last winning season and good Pearl Jam album until I was a grad student I would have cherished both a little more. However I remained a devout Tigers fan. I was there when Lou Whitaker showed up at the players meeting during the strike in a limo and white suit, complaining about being underpaid. I sat through the Buddy Bell, Larry Parrish, Phil Garner, and Luis Pujols eras. I was deceived into believing that Greg Gohr, Felipe Lira, Kimera Bartee and Cade Gaspar were "prospects". I watched the worst pitching staff of all time in the 1996 Tigers where Omar Olivares was our "Ace". I've ate enough Little Caesers Pizzas at Comerica to have heart problems as a 22 year old. I skipped my Prom to go to a Tigers game because it was Bobby Higginson bobble head night, (who said I couldn't get a date, huh, I'll fight you, what you've never been beat up by a guy who was crying before or something'?) I even went to 10 games during their 119 loss season, driving three hours round trip to watch Sir Gene Kingsale kick around balls in the outfield, watch a balding Kevin Witt be our power threat, watch Steve Avery's "comeback", and have Shane Halter and Dean Palmer call me and my friend T.J. "pussies" because we were jeering the team during warmups. I've seen crowds so sparse that people would routinely run across the field during late season games, just for some kind of excitement, I've been harassed by homeless guys carrying high heel shoes in a plastic bag after being one of only a hundred people or so with enough patience to stick around until the end of an extra inning loss. I and people of my ilk who have weathered the suckiness of this franchise deserve to be there when the Tigers finally get back on top and if I......I mean we, get shut out this fall I would recommend staying away from the fence in right, especially if you're wearing an ill fitting Cecil Fielder jersey that hasnt been worn in ten years, and saying things like, "this pitcher's pretty decent, what's his name again? Maroth. He's new right?"

Finally!

Today was my Constitutional Law exam and much to my chagrin there were no questions on my exam pertaining to Megaman 1-4, all of which I beat this week while "studying" for finals. Wayne State drags their final exams on fooooorrrreeeevvvver, nearly three weeks, which has prevented me from doing the thing I love 718th most.....updating this blog. Since I last posted many things have happened in Detroit, The Wings were eliminated from the playoffs (yawn), The Pistons have been steamrolling their way to another Finals appearance, The Tigers are continuing to prove they are for real, and the Lions had an uneventful draft, eschewing the chance to roll the dice and take a chance with another QB in Matt Leinart, and instead going with the safe pick in a concussion addled, undersized linebacker in Ernie Sims......ugh. And in other news Shawn Michaels and his tag team partner God, no not an overmuscled wrestler named God, but the celestial body himself lost a tagteam match to Shawn and Vince McMahon, and everyone who saw it died a little inside. Anyways now that I have a ton of free time on my hands with summer vacation and all, I'll be back to posting on a semi-regular basis.

Heading to Asia.......or Toronto, whichever's closer.

Property exam was a nightmare, and Ricky got a year long ban from the NFL, so it looks like its time for a vacation. I know this looks awful, but it was made at 4 A.M. and my brains fried. It's not like your paying for this anyways........

Sunday Re-cap

As I'm posting this I'm eating a Ham & Cheese Hot Pocket and a bag of Cheetos Puffs, so if this post abruptly stops half way through it's because my cholesterol reached such a high level that my blood stopped coursing through my body and I need you to call 911 for me. Immediately. Regardless today was a big day in Detroit as the Red Wings played the Oilers in Game 2 of their first round playoff series, the Tigers went for the sweep against the Mariners, and the Pistons started their playoff series against the Milwaukee Bucks.

I say the Wings playing was a big deal, because it is to a lot of people, but personally I could care less. No, that's selling it a bit short, I do care.........a little. I want them to do well and win strictly because they're the local team, and if I happen to catch a game on I'll watch it, or at the very least have it set as my previous channel, so I can flip back to it while the thing I'm really watching is on commercial, but I'm not going out of my way to watch the Wings games and I'm sure as hell not waking up at 1 P.M. to watch one. I used to love hockey starting about the time I was 10 in 1993 up until about 2000. I was first introduced to the sport by NHLPA 93 for the Sega Genesis, which easily ranks as one of the top 3 sports games of all-time, and continued to follow hockey mostly because of EA NHL series. I lived and died with the 1995 Stanley Cup finals where Martin Brodeur played out of his skull and I first learned to passionately hate Claude Lemieux. However for whatever reason my interest in hockey continually waned until it became nearly non-existent. Seriously if you told me Bill Ranford and Bernie Nicholls had started for the Oilers today I would've believed you. Anyways I slept through most of this game and apparently the Red Wings lost, which I'm sure will lead to serious teeth gnashing by angry Wings fans who still lose sleep over the 93-94 upset to the Sharks. (If any of you aforementioned crazy Wings fans read this, please don't send me a blood soaked Pat Falloon jersey, I think owning two is enough for me.)

I did manage to crawl my ass out of bed to watch the Tigers finish a sweep of the hapless Seattle Mariners. I don't think it's possible for a team to be more boring to watch then the Seattle Mariners. Outside of Ichiro they have no identity, no personality whatsoever. Tigers pitching owned this series, with my former room mate Mike Arnold........I mean Mike Maroth setting the tone in Game one by shutting down the Mariner's for six innings with the soft left-handed stuff, before turning the game over to the flamethrowing Joel Zumaya for two innings, before Todd Jones made his highly anticipated.........scratch that, dreaded, debut. The best thing about Jones being back is that it allowed the Tigers to send that dirtbag Chris Spurling back to the minors with his ridiculous giant #48 gold pendant that drives me absolutely crazy.

Game Two of the series featured some outstanding pitching from Nate Robertson......wait that can't be right....Nate Robertson?......really?......huh, the surprisingly little used Jamie Walker and Fernando Rodney who combined to two hit the M's. However after watching this game I think a Clio Little League team could two-hit the Mariners playing on the Pony fields at the Clio Sports Complex that measures 250 in straight away center........but I digress. This game also featured Gene Lamont getting two runners hosed at the plate while testing out Ichiro's arm. Hmmm, I know Ichiro has a strong arm, you know it, even my dog Sadie is mildly aware of it, so how does the Tigers third base coach not know it......I don't know, but hopefully this doesnt become a problem as the season goes on.

Today featured Justin Verlander versus Felix Hernandez in a battle of star pitching prospects. First off there is no way Felix Hernandez is only 20. No way. He's way to developed, and I was around when all those Latin American ball players aged five years over night (especially Deivi Cruz who went from 27 to 43) once the INS cracked down on birth certificates a couple of years ago. Anyways Verlander was spectacular today with his fastball hitting 101 MPH and although he didnt get a lot of K's he kept guys off balance. However Zumaya proved he was human by getting touched up for a few runs, but that's all right, it's just a little blip, Rodney bailed Zumaya out, as opposed to allowing every inherited runner to score Spurling style, by striking out Roberto Petagine, (which coincidentally is Chef Boy-ar-dee's real name) and Todd Jones pitched a flawless ninth for his second save. As I said the pitching was the most impressive thing in this series, especially the bullpen, because it seems as though we have three guys who could be relied upon to close in Zumaya, Rodney and Jones.........However I remember writing the same thing last year about Farnsworth, Ugie, and Percival and we know how that turned out.

Finally the Pistons played Game One tonight, and soundly beat the Bucks as many people expected. It was nice to see them shut down Michael Redd for the first time in......well, forever. The only big news is that Rip hurt his ankle, which more then anything seems like a bad omen. Rip should be fine however, and I think if you need to rest him in Game two go ahead and do it. I think the Pistons could win without him, by rotating in a combination of Delk, Delfino, and Evans, and that would give Rip until Saturday to get well. Even if they did decide to rest him and lost, I don't think it would matter in the long run as it would make this series run 5 games instead of 4. Big deal. Go Pistons.

Finally.......again. I have final exams for law school over the course of the next three weeks. I'm not going on hiatus or anything, but posting may become more infrequent, shorter, and increasingly hostile/depressing. I may also have a nervous breakdown during the course of the next three weeks, which would put things on hiatus as I roamed Asia with Ricky Williams trying to find the meaning of my existence. Hopefully it won't come to that, but wish me luck. Thanks.

NBA MVP Race

Well, the Tigers are frustrating the hell out of me today. In case you've missed todays game it's gone something like this so far. Zito walks a guy on 4 pitches, next guy comes up and grounds into a double play, Zito hits the next batter, and then ends the inning on a check swing strike out on an 88 MPH fastball around the eyes, repeat for seven innings. Christ. Anyways, as you can see by the title of this post, I'm not going to write about the Tigers but rather about the NBA MVP race. The NBA regular season ended last night but the debate over the MVP is still wide open. My criteria for MVP is quite simple, all that I look for is if the player put up good numbers on a good or great team that had expectations of greatness coming into the season. So here's my list of candidates in reverse order.

8: Elton Brand: I've always admired the Clippers from afar. Seeing as how I've been a fan of the Lions and Tigers for all of my life, I look for other franchises and fanbases that are equally pathetic and with whom I can relate, and pretty much the only team that can rival, no, exceed the ineptitude of the Lions is the Clippers. This year they made an excellent trade for Sam Cassell, signed Cuttino Mobley to fill some of the scoring void and they became a sleeper 8th playoff seed in the West. Well now they 6th in the West after a strategic tank job, with home court in the 1st round and a real chance to advance to the second round of the playoffs for the first time since they were the Buffalo Braves. The main reason for this is Elton Brand who went from a solid, slightly underrated player to an elite post player who gave the Pistons and everyone else fits all season. That Tyson Chandler for Brand trade is looking more ridiculous every season.

7: Shawn Marion: Steve Nash gets most of the credit for the Suns success the past two seasons and deservedly. However, I think Marion has been just as important AND he's an unstoppable fantasy player, whose never on my team, which explains why I finish 9th out of 10 in my most recent fantasy basketball league, well that and a series of bad trades that I made........oh well, I wish Marion could get a little more recognition especially this year where he stepped up his game even more in the absence of Amare.

6: Kobe Bryant: Ive heard so much made of his 81 point game and 62 points through three quarters from people advocating his MVP candidacy, but the last time I checked the MVP award was for the best performance over the entire season and not for the best single game performance during the season. Granted Kobe did take a terrible supporting cast and single handedly delivered them to the playoffs, which is a spectacular feat but do the Lakers seriously have a chance to win the title? No. Do they even have a chance to get out of the first round? No. So therefore I don't think he deserves the MVP. Plus I just dont like him.

5: Dwyane Wade: He's a spectacular player, but he was a little too quiet down the stretch for me and the Heat scuffled and barely held off the Nets for the 2nd seed in the East. Plus he plays for Miami and being a Pistons fan I have to hate him......and I wish he was in a Pistons jersey, but at least we have Darko, oh wait I mean Kelvin Cato.......Jesus Christ. Note: I'm distracted right now because the Tigers are clawing their way back into this game, and Brandon Inge is in the midst of a 75 pitch at bat against Justin Douche-r. (I know it's a lame joke and everyone thinks that when they hear that guys name, but it's absolute hell trying to spell it correctly.)

4: LeBron James: Once again this is no knock on LeBron or Wade, I think they will be competing for the MVP award for the next decade, but I don't think they are at that level yet. Close but not yet. He made great strides in taking over games late and getting his team to the playoffs for the first time. Also I think people make to much about playing great late in games, especially during the regular season. I'm more impressed with teams like Detroit who are beating teams like the Hornets so badly at the end of games that their starters are relegated to towel waving duty, as Jason Maxiell wildly tries to throw it down on everybody, instead of guys like LeBron that need a big shot to put away an inferior team. Regardless he's only 21 which is frightening to a Pistons fan like me (please sign with a team out West LeBron, Cleveland hates you. Leave the Central...........I know he doesnt read this......you know how I know? Because no one reads this.)

3: Steve Nash: Personally I think Steve Nash is the most entertaining player in the NBA, and is the perfect guy to run the Phoenix offense. He seamlessly integrates new players into the system and increased his scoring output in the absence of Amare. So if he's better this year then he was last year and he's the reigning MVP why doesnt he win again? Well, I wish I had a good answer for that but I don't, and this is my blog and my awards so shut up and stop asking so many questions. O.K. I'm not paying you to talk, as a matter of fact I'm not paying you at all, Do I come to your job and knock the broom out of your hand. Didn't think so.

2: Dirk Nowitzki: Oh my god Fernando Rodney is giving me a heart attack right now. The Tigers went up 4-3 in the top of the ninth after grinding out 3 runs and now Fernando's pitching so bad that even Rick Ankiel thinks he looks a little wild. Anyways Dirk has played his best this season, and.......oh my god the bases are loaded, if they lose this game I swear to god........this is the first time it's really been Dirk's team and he's stepped up.....ground ball, get the force at home!!! Good Job, Inge. Anyways I expect the Mavericks to.....STRIKE OUT!!!! YES! (series of fist pumps followed by a sprint to the bedroom and back) Way to go Rodney, oh man that was a big win for the Tigers.....what was I talking about again......nevermind moving on to No.1.

1: Chauncey Billups: Everyone had to have seen this coming, and go ahead and call me a homer, because I am, but the reason Chauncey is the MVP this season is because, as he said on the Hot List on SportsCenter last night, he's the catalyst for the best team in the league. Catalyst is the perfect title for him. A lot of people discredit Chauncey because of the overall talent and teamwork the Pistons utilize on their way to the best record in the league. I think this works in his favor more than anything, because it takes a special player to keep a team so talented running this smoothly over the course of an entire season. Billups was flawless in running a new offense as exhibited by his increased assists total, and more telling was his impeccable assist/turnover ratio. Also I think every Piston brings their own unique thing to the Pistons, Ben exemplifies toughness/hard work, Rasheed brings the craziness factor, Hamilton provides the energy, Dale Davis has his fouls, but Chauncey is the most responsible for the Piston's confidence and swagger, which I think is the most important part of this teams character. Chauncey makes the big shots, he never gets nervous or rushes when they fall behind early and when they win he doesn't celebrate much because he expects to win every game. It takes a lot of confidence to state before the season that you plan on finishing with the best record in the league so you can play game seven of the Finals at home and then actually go out and do it........with relative ease no less, while adjusting to a new coach and winning 10 more games then the previous year, when you were already an NBA Finals team. However we all no Chauncey won't win the MVP and will struggle to crack the top 5, because sportwriters are infatuated with Kobe and will select him because it takes no effort or thought to pick him. Oh well, I'm sure Chauncey will be more satisfied in June when he wins his second Finals MVP, and leads the Pistons to a second title in 3 years.

Journey to Comerica

Well it's not really a journey because I live about two miles from Comerica, but short hop or quick trip doesn't sound as interesting nor as epic as journey or adventure. Regardless I was able to attend this Saturday's Tigers-Indians game at Comerica with my friend Matt and his friends Nick and Matt #2. It's next to impossible for me to write a coherent paragraph about a series of events over a short period of time, so in lieu of this I'm going to take the easy way out (is there any other way) and write a timeline of the events leading up to the game.

Friday April 14.

11:00 P.M. After working hard on my outline for Property for a whole five minutes I reward myself by perusing the internet for the next two hours. After realizing that Deadspin stopped updating 6 hours ago, I stop checking their site, and instead start refreshing my Yahoo! fantasy baseball page. After getting bored with this after about 20 minutes I make my way to detroittigers.com, to see what the pitching matchup is for the next game. I'm thrilled to find out its Jeremy Bonderman who Ive never seen pitch, and not that Nate Robertson bastard who Ive seen pitch 1,078 times, and then I'm horrified to see that some guy named Fausto Carmona is making his major league debut against the Tigers. Normally it would be a good thing to face a guy making his debut and hope he get's nervous and starts grooving his pitches, or pull an Adam Pettyjohn and throw up on the mound. However we are talking about the Tigers and normal baseball logic doesnt apply to them, because they usually get owned by guys making their debut, and then after the game say things like "We didn't have video of the guy". We''ll see how this turns out.

Saturday April 15

10:30 A.M.: My alarm goes off and I open my eyes and listen to my brain say, "Dude, Andy, what the hell's going on, it's only 10:30 A.M..........on a Saturday, you don't have to get up for another four hours, and what's with the sunlight, draw the shades and go back to sleep." And seeing how it's early morning, and I'm tired, I find my brain's argument more then reasonable, hit the alarm and go back to bed.

10:45 A.M.: My phone rings and now I really don't know what the hell's going on. Groggy, I look at the phone and see "Matt"on the screen, and cycle through all the Matt's in my head. Matt Dillon, Matt Groening, Matt Morris, and Matt Anderson are readily dismissed because I don't know any of them. Mats Sundin? That doesnt even make sense. Maybe my cousin Matt from California.......no I havent talked to him in years and don't know his number. Matt......Matt............TIGERS GAME!!!!

11:30 A.M.: I arrive at Matt's, meet his buddies, watch a bit of the Devil's Advocate, debate weather Keanu Reeves career peaked with Bill & Ted, watch an old ass Jeopardy on Game Show Network and call a cab to take us to Comerica, because 1) it's only $5 and 2) we dont have to deal with parking.

12:30 P.M. Cabbie arrives right on time and to our surprise Dmitri Young is driving, it's nice to see him reach out to fans even when he's on the DL. Seeing as how there is four of us one has to ride shotgun with D'Stink Hook, and when Matt goes to hop in the front seat he finds what you would expect to find in a Detroit cab: A bag of White Castle and a 12 inch long hunting knife.

12:45 The cabbie drives us 10 miles in the wrong direction, pulls the knife on us and tells us to put our wallets on the seat and get out...........well actually this didnt happen.......we get to the stadium, but honestly when I wrote that first sentence you wouldnt have been surprised if this happened next. You racist.

1:00 We settle into our seats behind the third base line and being at Comerica on a perfect spring day in April makes me feel alive. However after a looooooooong winter inside I'm about three shades paler than death so no one would be able to tell I felt or even was alive and the sun is beating mercilessly.

1:01 I'm sunburned.

1:05 Top of the 1st, Hafner comes up as I debate what I should yell at him, before I even get a chance to think of something funny, or at least offensive to antagonize the group of Indians fans sitting in front of us CRACK!!!!! Hafner hits the first pitch about 600 feet to rightfield effectively shutting me up for the rest of the afternoon.

1:20 Bottom of the 1st, Granderson leads off with a single, and I'm thinking we might give Fausto some trouble, then Infante strikes out, followed by a double play by Guillen......uh oh.

Top of the fourth: Maybe I will give Hafner crap today, just in spite of the aforementioned Cleveland fans in the row in fr..........CRACK, double of the base of the wall. Jesus Christ this guy's good. Bonderman starts getting hit around, and after each walk Carlos Guillen walks towards the mound and gives Bonderman the Roger Dorn "Strike this motherfucker out!" speech.......to no avail. By the time all is said and done Bonderman gets chased after giving up a double to the most random Rookie of the Year ever Todd Hollandsworth, and everyones favorite adult film star Jordan Tata gets out of the inning.

Bottom of the sixth: The guy I came to see, the man who has single handedly kept my fantasy team afloat for the first week and a half, the red-hot Chris Shelton, is coming up with two on and one out and is due. Fausto is circling the mound and officially sweating bullets. Shelton will show those obnoxious Cleveland fans who the best young hitter in the AL Central is........wait what's happening? Double play inning over.

Bottom of the eighth: Matt Miller strikes out the side, we realize that not only is Dmitri Young driving fans to the game, he's also selling Lemon Chill's in the stands. We also realize that no one has talked or moved since the conclusion of the sixth as the sun has completely sucked the energy out of all of us and one of us may have actually evaporated.

Bottom of the ninth: Tigers go down swinging with Vance Wilson striking out: I peel myself out of my seat, go to the bathroom to assess the damage, see that my skin is identical to the color of the Phillies shirt I was wearing and leave Comerica. We hail a cab, pile in, the driver looks like an old black Krusty the Klown with white hair and smells like burning trash, but everyone's too tired and miserable to care........but we can all agree that we can't wait to go back.

Series Wrap-Up Texas Rangers April 6-9 ChiSox April 10-13.

The Tigers won the first three games of this series and looked as though they may never lose again. In the first game the Tigers hit seven homeruns off the Rangers staff including six off of knuckleballing R.A. Dickey, (which sounds like the name of an old timey 1890's baseball player, an era when guys used to go strictly by their initials and you would see names like H.M.M. Chesterfield and O.W. Preston, why did this change, why are initials now limited to the T.J.'s and J.R.'s of the world.) This game was on T.V. so I actually got a chance to watch it, well in between commercials on the Pistons-Heat game. Impemba and Allen were as excruciating as ever breaking out the cliches that they use every year (i.e. country strong, country mile, fundamentals, blah, blah blah.) I actually thought I might get a reprieve from Impemba/Allen, when WB20 picked up an extra 15 games this season, finally gettting to listen to gentle Frank Beckmann and a parade of drunk Tigers from the '84 team (look everyone its Dan Petry!, he was good...remember......) But it was not to be , in fact it was the worst possible scenario as the team announced it would be the same two jackasses, which means everyone has to be subjected to at least 45 more hours of their nonsensical banter.

The Tigers ended up winning the next two games in the series, with Justin Verlander getting Tigers fans legitimately giddy with a two hit performance Saturday night in the Ballpark of Arlington. It was great because every year it seems as though there are a handful of rookie pitchers who get a ridiculous amount of hype and those pitchers have never been on the Tigers (unless you count a Peter Gammons article from about three years ago, where he compared Cornejo, Bernero, and Maroth to a young early 90's Braves rotation of Maddux, Smoltz, and Glavine. Jesus Christ Gammons, he must have been tripping serious balls with Walton as he wrote that.) Also at some point during the series Shelton, was batting a mere .700 and was on pace for 216 homeruns, I think it goes without saying that I have the hands down 19th round pick steal of the fantasy draft this year. The series ended with Shelton getting owned by Vincente Padilla (!?!) by striking out three times and the Tigers lost their first game of the year and proved they were human by shedding their first drop of blood.

Unfortunately that drop of blood turned into massive hemoragging out of control and spraying blood all over Comerica Park in getting swept by the White Sox. I skipped my Contracts class on Monday to watch the home opener, but that's not saying much as I've skipped my Contracts class to watch the conclusion of Roadhouse. It started off pretty exciting as the two jets that flew overhead at the end of the national anthem flew directly over my apartment building about 1 second later, which means that if I ever traveled from my apartment to Comerica at over 600 MPH I could get there in a little over 1 second. Bonderman got the start and looked great early before giving up a 785 ft moonshot to Jim Thome, unfortunately for the Tigers, the Thome moonshots would become a theme for the rest of the series. Of course Allen remarked that Thome was "country strong". Seriously who didnt fucking see that coming, I practically mouthed the words along with him, I swear to God I hate these guys.....hate them. The other highlight was Craig Monroe's homerun and the cameraman showing a homeless guy sitting behind the Tigers dugout.......oh wait that's just Jeff Daniels, what happened to this guy, has anybody told him he doesnt have to play and look like Harry Dunne anymore? The Tigers then dropped the next two in the series to complete getting swept, although Shelton did hit two more homeruns in the series to raise his total to 7 although it came at the expense of his average as it came tumbling all the way down to .514. Personally I think he's starting to focus on the long ball too much and should be sent to Toledo to work out the kinks. (If anybody takes that last sentence serious, I just want to let you know I'm joking, and that you're an idiot.) Verlander also came crashing back down to earth today, getting roughed up for seven runs in 2.2 innings. I'm not sure what his problem was, because once again the game wasnt on T.V. because FSN didnt want to lose those highly rated poker tournament matches. Chris Spurling came in and did his thing today as well, relieving Bobby Seay, and immediately allowing all of the runners he inherited to score. So what's Spurling's appeal again? Has he ever been anything but below average? Is it good when the only adjective you can come up with to describe a pitcher is "hittable"? Regardless the Tigers now stand at 5-4 with red hot Cleveland and Pronk coming to town, I'm going to the game on Saturday so I can personally watch Shelton and Hafner battle for Goony, Un-Athletic, White Guys, Who Flat Out Rake supremacy.