Friday, October 20, 2006

Tigers - Cardinals World Series Preview

Sorry I haven't updated since the Tigers won the ALCS Saturday night, but there hasn't been much to post about since then, (Brandon Inge bags leaves handles other chores. Curtis Granderson rents American Dreamz [o.k. that's just a shameless excuse to post a Mandy Moore photo] and is disappointed. Not exactly thrilling headlines,) because the damn NLCS dragged on trying to determine which team was the least terrible choice to represent the Senior Circuit. The winner: St. Louis. The reward: A 4 game beatdown at the hands of the Tigers and a lengthy World Series preview breaking down the teams by position written by yours truly. So let's dive right into this thing.

Managers: Jim Leyland and Tony LaRussa are both great managers and they also happen to be best friends. This fact is going to be beat over your head repeatedly over the next week by Fox. They talk 3 times a day. They are the godfathers to the others children. The winner lights stress release candles and bathes the loser after each head to head matchup to show there's no hard feelings. Ugh. By the fifth inning of Game 1 you will be so sick of this story line you'll want to crawl through the television and throttle Joe Buck..........even more so. (By the way did you see where they unveiled the first invisibility cloak today. That's amazing. We can't be that far away from actually being able to crawl through the TV or traveling through time. Somebody make this happen. Isn't there more important things to develop, like a cure for cancer, or where they just like "This shit's tough, let's try to make invisibility cloaks." "Awesome" High fives.) So whose the better manager? Tough call. They've both won World Series rings and they are great strategists. However I hate LaRussa's smoked glasses, his Sega baseball game was atrocious and he's going to wear out the grass from the dugout to the mound, ensuring none of these games finish in under four hours.

Advantage: Tigers

Catcher: Pudge v one of the Molina's: First off Molina is scary looking as all holy hell and sure
Bengie was the hero tonight with his homerun, but he's known more for his defense. In fact some say Yadier is like a young Pudge defensively, and Jose sure likes to make the snap throws down to first but in the end the edge has to go to Pudge. He's a better hitter, he's better defensively, faster and capable of making hot, passionate, Latino love for hours.

Advantage: Tigers

1st base: Casey v. Pujols. I can't even come up with a way to justify breaking this down and making it seem close without losing the little credibility I have. Hmm.... Casey is chattier at 1st is that gonna do it? No.

Advantage: Cardinals

2nd Base: Ronnie Belliard may be the first 300 pound second baseman in history and he's good for at least 3 errors this series. He tricked the Brewers into giving him 8 years to prove himself before disappointing and he keeps getting chances. I think scouts see him and say, "Hey, that guy kind of looks like Manny, I wonder if he hits like him, lets give him 3 years and find out." Meanwhile former Cardinal second baseman Placido Polanco isn't capable of getting less then two hits a game, is solid if not spectacular with the glove and has a head shaped like a Milk Dud.

Advantage: Tigers

3rd Base: Scott Rolen singlehandedly killed my fantasy team down the stretch with his horrendous play dropping my team from out of contention to the basement and he's got a bum shoulder and is whining about his manager......again. Meanwhile the one thing Inge has going for him is karma. He's been a part of the worst franchise in baseball his entire career. Almost lost his job forever when the team signed Pudge three seasons ago and revamped himself to become a solid hitter and one of the best defensive third basemen in the game. He's my sleeper pick to be the MVP for this Series and could turn in a Brooks Robinson series defining defensive play. I'm certain about this, just like I predicted Guillen's breakout ALCS 2 weeks ago and look how that turned out. Oh, he batted .143......nevermind.

Advantage: Draw

Shortstop: David Eckstein's scrappy. He may be the smallest guy on the field but he's the toughest. Tim McCarver will say those two lines approximately 1,743 times this series. Those are good things to possess, but Eckstein lacks one major attribute. Talent. Guillen on the other hand can't help but be good. He's the most indifferent star in baseball. He seems annoyed that he hits .300 and has the most range of a shortstop in baseball. (I can't prove that last statement so if any sabermatrician e-mails me with equations and charts don't bother, I'm just throwing it out. I don't understand it and it frightens me, just like Mitch Albom.)

Advantage: Tigers

Leftfield: Strikeout machine Preston Wilson apparently still plays. Who knew? On the other hand if Monroe wins a World Series MVP my friend T.J. won't let me hear the end of it. He's been driving the Monroe bandwagon for years and for the most part its been a lonely trip, and if he brags incessantly (just for the record I initially wrote incestently, caught my mistake, debated leaving it in as a joke, but took it out.) about Monroe that will make me have to kill two friends in one week.

Advantage: Tigers

Centerfield: Jim Edmonds is washed up and liable to go down with a strained vagina at a moments notice but still capable of making a spectacular catch. Granderson is an up and comer and seems like a cool guy. That's it....that's the analysis, I've got nothing else to add.

Advantage: Draw

Rightfield: I hate Juan Encarnacion. He did nothing in five seasons in Detroit other play the most erratic rightfield in history and disappoint, (oh yeah and he got hit in the face with that fastball, that was awesome.) Now he's batting cleanup for a World Series team. Wow. He's also capable of inexplicably crashing into Belliard or Edmonds and killing them. Maggs is also erratic in the field and could take a flyball in the chest. However he could go hitless in this Series and I wouldn't care because of the homerun in Game 4 of the ALCS. Amazing.

Advantage: Tigers

Starters: Jeff Weaver might start Game 1 for the Cardinals and he would be our 8th starter. I'm not kidding either, he's arguably worse then Ledezma, Miner and Maroth. The only decent pitcher in St. Louis is Carpenter. In the N.L. he's a Cy Young winner, In the A.L. a solid No. 2 on a good team. If I were Walt Jocketty (which is a great old-timey baseball executive name, like Branch Rickey, I 've never seen Jocketty but I picture him wearing a bow tie, high trousers, talking fast and ending every sentence, with "......see") I'm calling up Bob Gibson and Steve Carlton before turning in the final rosters.

Advantage: Tigers

Relievers: Zumaya, Rodney, Ledezma, Jones, v. Hancock, Flores, Kinney, umm Lee Smith.......Todd Worrell?

Advantage: Tigers

Final Prediction: Tigers Sweep.

3 comments:

joe said...

I can't prove that last statement so if any sabermatrician e-mails me with equations and charts don't bother, I'm just throwing it out. I don't understand it and it frightens me, just like Mitch Albom.

Wait, do you mean Sabermetrics frighten you, or Mitch Albom frightens you? I hope it's Sabermetrics, since Mitch is like four foot ten and writes at a third grade reading level.

joe said...

I can't prove that last statement so if any sabermatrician e-mails me with equations and charts don't bother, I'm just throwing it out. I don't understand it and it frightens me, just like Mitch Albom.

Wait, do you mean Sabermetrics frighten you, or Mitch Albom frightens you? I hope it's Sabermetrics, since Mitch is like four foot ten and writes at a third grade reading level.

DougieB said...

I'll have to spot the Cardinals one game, if only because i think one of our young guys (take your pick) on the mound is going to have a slight breakdown and let the cards slip by.

Course, Game 5 still means that they win in St. Louis and not at home, so, i guess it really doesn't matter.